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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The government should spend more money on improving access to the Internet than on public transportation. v.492

The government should spend more money on improving access to the Internet than on public transportation. v. 492
In such a civilized society, in spite of several disagreements people have in various areas so far as one’s view goes, one point that virtually everybody approves upon is the importance of government support in people’s lives. This is the mostly owing to the fact that people always have been expected some essential practical issues in order to have a comfortable life. With this in mind, a broad range of controversial attitudes might stimulate heated debates as to what kind of prominent support should be injected to the society from governments. Two sides often form in this regard. Those who trust that spending money to improve internet access is better, while others who think the improvement of public transportation is superior to the other choice. I personally consider myself among the latter group. Among the many reasons one can give for this opinion, two conspicuous reasons will be elaborated and investigated through ensuing lines. One reason coming to mind at first is air pollution that has been a major crisis for every society in recent years. Needless to say that with population growth, the number of individual automobiles will increase dramatically and thus exhausted toxic gases such as carbon monoxide and sulfuric chemicals, which are so detrimental to humans and environment, will be released to the atmosphere. For instance, Air pollution problem in Tehran has been caused some bothersome illnesses and beginning of lung cancer in people. On the other hand, improvement accesses to public transportation such as subways, which are fastest and convenient, will encourage people to use them and thus will have a great influence in the reduction of dirty gases in the air. Another equally important reason is that there will be an effective economic growth in society. Using public transportation allow people to save their time and money. Take an example of a person who wants to go his office in the early morning. Not only it is possible to reach the office late but will consume more time and money in a traffic and noisy condition as well which will make him so anxious due to not to emit some endorphin in the brain that is responsible for his cheerfulness. A recently conducted study at Sharif University of technology, it was found out that consumption of oil fuels will decrease exponentially if just 30 percent of people use public transportation that will result in a significant growth on economics. In conclusion, there are many reasons which can be persuasive enough for governments in order to improve accesses on public transportation that will have some essential benefits for society. Based on the given reasons above such as air pollution and economic growth, I highly recommend that governments should put more emphasis on using public transportation by encouraging people. Otherwise, we will annihilate our planet gradually by our own hands.
In such a civilized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
several disagreements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have in various areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far as one’s view goes, one point that
virtually
everybody approves upon is the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
support in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is the
mostly
owing to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The adverb 'always' is usually put between 'have' and 'been'.
always have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential practical issues in order to have a comfortable life. With this in mind, a broad range of controversial attitudes might stimulate heated debates as to what kind of prominent support should
be injected
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. Two sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
form in this regard. Those who trust that spending money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
internet access is better, while others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is superior to the other choice. I
personally
consider myself among the latter group. Among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
one can give for this opinion, two conspicuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
will
be elaborated
and investigated through ensuing lines.

One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
coming to mind at
first
is air pollution that has been a major crisis for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in recent years. Needless to say that with population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
, the number of individual automobiles will increase
dramatically
and
thus
exhausted toxic gases such as carbon monoxide and sulfuric chemicals, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
detrimental to humans and environment, will
be released
to the atmosphere.
For instance
, Air pollution problem in Tehran has
been caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bothersome illnesses and beginning of lung cancer in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
On the other hand
, improvement accesses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
such as subways, which are fastest and convenient, will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them and
thus
will have a great influence in the reduction of dirty gases in the air.

Another
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that there will be an effective economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save their time and money. Take an example of a person who wants to go his office in the early morning. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it is possible to reach the office late
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will consume more time and money in a traffic and noisy condition
as well
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
anxious due
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
emit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
endorphin in the brain
that is
responsible for his cheerfulness. A recently conducted study at Sharif University of technology, it
was found
out that consumption of oil fuels will decrease
exponentially
if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
30 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
that will result in a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
on economics.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which can be persuasive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
accesses on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
that will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Based on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
above such as air pollution and economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
, I
highly
recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should put more emphasis on using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Otherwise
, we will annihilate our planet
gradually
by our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hands.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The government should spend more money on improving access to the Internet than on public transportation. v. 492

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
473 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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