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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To be successful, a business must spend a lot of money on advertising. v.428

To be successful, a business must spend a lot of money on advertising. v. 428
Nobody can overlook the fact that in this progressive and modernized world, where we live, there is a tremendous amount of competition among businesses to gain more popularity and become successful. Some people hold the opinion that one way toward their success is spending a considerable amount of money on advertising, some others stand at the other end of the continuum and believe the other factors are more important. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter group and the justifications that substantiate my point of view are elaborated hereupon. To begin with, to acquire success, businessmen should pay more attention to the quality of their products. In other words, If a company applies effective strategies for advertisement and spend a significant amount of money on it, but do not concentrate on how is the quality and utility of their product, they will not succeed. In my opinion, the most crucial factor in business popularity and success is the customers` satisfaction, and without this factor, business failure is probable. For example, about three years ago, a food company used appealing packaging for their products, and also order tv program-makers to make fascinating tv commercials for them. However, their food products had not been prepared with high-quality ingredients and did not delicious. As a result, they could not become popular because of the lack of quality. Furthermore, another critical factor for business success is maintaining the precious human resources. To be more specific, if a company lose their best and most productive staff, nothing else can guarantee its survival because the quality of a company`s services is depended on workforce skills. I mean the staff`s skills make a company well-known. For instance, we have a great oil company in Iran that employ just well-educated people because they always try to improve their products` quality that requires a great deal of creativity and intelligence. And as the company knows its success could not be achieved without the diligence of the workforces, always try to keep its personnel satisfied and made them convinced by offering them a lot of bonus. In conclusion, having the aforementioned reasons into account, I am of the mind that paying a lot of money on advertisement can not assure the success of a business, and the other factors like quality and valuable human resources are more important.
Nobody can overlook the fact that in this progressive and modernized world, where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, there is a tremendous amount of competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to gain more popularity and become successful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the opinion that one way toward their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is spending a considerable amount of money on advertising,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others stand at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the continuum and believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. As far as I
am concerned
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter group and the justifications that substantiate my point of view
are elaborated
hereupon.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, businessmen should pay more attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
applies effective strategies for advertisement and spend a significant amount of money on it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not concentrate on how is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
and utility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, they will not succeed. In my opinion, the most crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
popularity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is the customers` satisfaction, and without this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
failure is probable.
For example
, about three years ago, a food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
appealing packaging for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and
also
order
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
program-makers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fascinating
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
commercials for them.
However
, their food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
had not
been prepared
with high-quality ingredients and did not delicious.
As a result
, they could not become popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of quality.

Furthermore
, another critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is maintaining the precious human resources. To be more specific, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
lose their best and most productive staff, nothing else can guarantee its survival
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of a
The character between 'company' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "company’s" (curly apostrophe) or "company's" (straight apostrophe).
company`s
services
is depended
on workforce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. I mean the
The character between 'staff' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "staff’s" (curly apostrophe) or "staff's" (straight apostrophe).
staff`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
well-known.
For instance
, we have a great oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in Iran that employ
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
well-educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products`
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
that requires a great deal of creativity and intelligence. And as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
knows its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
could not
be achieved
without the diligence of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
, always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
its personnel satisfied and made them convinced by offering them
Possible agreement error. The noun bonus seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of bonuses".
a lot of bonus
.

In conclusion
, having the aforementioned reasons into account, I am of the mind that paying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on advertisement can not assure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
and valuable human resources are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay To be successful, a business must spend a lot of money on advertising. v. 428

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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