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Do you agree or disagree with the following paragraphs? Movies and television have a more negative effect than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Movies and television have a more negative effect than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Nowadays, if we look at museums, we can rarely see local citizens. Why is this happening and what can we do to handle this issue? In this essay I will look at the causes of this problem and provide some solutions. One of the primary reasons for this development is that there is nothing new or interesting for local residents in these places. All of the objects are familiar to their cultural backgrounds and therefore these museums do not attract them. For example, there are almost no local citizens visiting an Amir Temur's museum in my city. Conversely, it is full of tourists due to the fact that this place seems to be appealing to them which is not true for local inhabitants. This issue could be tackled if the governments start to conduct campaigns aiming at the benefits of historical sites thereby impressing people. This would probably affect most of them. Another reason stems from historical attractions themselves. In many cases, they are poorly conserved and decorated. This is because authorities pay too little attention to these sites. To illustrate, our local museum has not been redecorated or repaired since it was founded which means that it does not look amusing at all. The way forward might be for the government to allocate some money from public budget to conservation of these places. This will presumably cause interest in public residents to attend their museums. In conclusion, unless we take some measures to gain people's interest back to attending historical sites and museums, we are likely to collide with some problems. In my opinion, the main responsibility to rectify this issue in this case lies with the government.
Nowadays, if we look at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, we can rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens. Why is this happening and what can we do to handle this issue? In this essay I will look at the causes of this problem and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

One of the primary reasons for this development is that there is nothing new or interesting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents in these places.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
objects are familiar to their cultural backgrounds and
therefore
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
do not attract them.
For example
, there are almost no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens visiting an Amir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Temur
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in my city.
Conversely
, it is full of tourists due to the fact that this place seems to be appealing to them which is not true for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
inhabitants. This issue could
be tackled
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to conduct campaigns aiming at the benefits of historical sites thereby impressing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This would
probably
affect most of them.

Another reason stems from historical attractions themselves. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, they are
poorly
conserved and decorated. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
authorities pay too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
attention to these sites. To illustrate, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
has not
been redecorated
or repaired since it
was founded
which means that it does not look amusing at all. The way forward might be for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money from public budget to conservation of these places. This will presumably cause interest in public residents to attend their museums.

In conclusion
, unless we take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's interest back to attending historical sites and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, we are likely to collide with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems. In my opinion, the main responsibility to rectify this issue
in this case
lies with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Movies and television have a more negative effect than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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