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"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People in today's world have become too dependent on automobiles. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. " v.394

" People in today's world have become too dependent on automobiles. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. " v. 394
Recently, people have different views about whether or not parents should control all the activities in their children’s spare time. Although it is undeniable that parents play a key role in children’s development, I believe that children have the right to decide how to spend their leisure time. Many support the view that parents should choose the way how their children spend their break time. The main reason is that parents are mature enough to prevent their children from making mistakes. For example, by encouraging their children to read books or write diaries, they can keep their children away from advanced technological devices. Moreover, parents are believed to provide their children the best decisions. For instance, they may have enough experience to know what is the movie channel or book title that their children should try. On the other hand, there are a number of reasons why children should plan their free time by themselves rather than depending on their parents. Firstly, if parents decide about every aspect of their children, it would limit their children’s creativity and interests. In fact, while many children are fond of joining in outdoor activities such as football or volleyball, their parents often feel worried since they may be covered with dirt or suffer from injuries while they are playing. As a result, children might lose their chance to show their talent in what they actually have passion for. Secondly, children could perform more effectively with what they like than what the others told them. For example, a child who loves playing the guitar cannot be good at playing the piano, although his or her parents expect that. Obviously, children are not robots of their parents, sometimes they need their own time to find out their ability and decide what is the most appreciate to them. In conclusion, how the leisure time is planned should decided by the time owner. Parents should let their children be independent and grow up naturally.
Recently,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should control all the activities in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a key role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the right to decide how to spend their leisure time.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
support the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should choose the way how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from making mistakes.
For example
, by encouraging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to read books or write diaries, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
away from advanced technological devices.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are believed
to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the best decisions.
For instance
, they may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience to know what is the movie channel or book title that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should try.

On the other hand
, there are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should plan their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by themselves
rather
than depending on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
decide about every aspect of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it would limit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity and interests. In fact, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are fond of joining in outdoor activities such as football or volleyball, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel worried since they may
be covered
with dirt or suffer from injuries while they are playing.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might lose their chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent in what they actually have passion for.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could perform more
effectively
with what they like than what the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
them.
For example
, a child who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
playing the guitar cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at playing the piano, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not robots of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they need their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to find out their ability and decide what is the most appreciate to them.

In conclusion
, how the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is planned
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "decide"
decided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
owner.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be independent and grow up
naturally
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay " People in today's world have become too dependent on automobiles. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. " v. 394

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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