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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The government is not educating people enough about the importance of living a balanced and healthy life style. v.382

The government is not educating people enough about the importance of living a balanced and healthy life style. v. 382
Earth is a planet for all, but due to human activities such as deforestation and animal poaching, wildlife is struggling to survive. It has chased away some species on the edge of extinction, while others are on the endangered list. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the disappearing of earth animals, and I will try to offer some solutions. The major reason for endangering of wild animal’s like is the deforestation. The human population is increasing rapidly that more land is required for creating accommodation for them. Lacking their natural environment and food, animals move to nearby cities or villages where they are often killed by locals. However, this issue can be tackled if the government will approve strict regulations regarding minimum forest area and will define clear boundaries where no human intervention be allowed. For example, conflict between humans and forest elephants is common, particularly in Asia. Many farmers found it easier to simply kill the offending creatures, until conservationists have worked with authorities on practices and approaches to keep elephants away from crops, while providing for their safety. Moreover, excessive poaching has also raised the disappearing of wild animals. Skin, fur and fangs of certain animals are used for creating fashion accessories like coats and bags, and also for illegal trading. It has resulted in an increasing hunting of wild animals. Despite this problem, the government of few countries managed to find a way to solve this situation by banning on killing animals by hunters, for the sake of human desires. For instance, in Finland after this regulation was introduced the amount of elks grew significantly. Additionally, a Tv program about the significance of the fauna in their environment motivated Finns preserve wildlife and not to use products made from them. In conclusion, the government should tackle the escalating problem of elimination and endangering of certain wild animals by forming strict rules and regulations about the wild habitat and excessive poaching. If these measures are followed, we can surely make an earth a beautiful planet where all species co-exist.
Earth is a planet for all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities such as deforestation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
poaching, wildlife is struggling to survive. It has chased away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species on the edge of extinction, while others are on the endangered list. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the disappearing of earth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, and I will try to offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

The major reason for endangering of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
like is the deforestation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population is increasing
rapidly
that more land
is required
for creating accommodation for them. Lacking their natural environment and food,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to nearby cities or villages where they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
killed by locals.
However
, this issue can
be tackled
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will approve strict regulations regarding minimum forest area and will define
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
boundaries where no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
intervention be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
.
For example
, conflict between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and forest elephants is common,
particularly
in Asia.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
farmers found it easier to
simply
kill the offending creatures, until conservationists have worked with authorities on practices and approaches to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
elephants away from crops, while providing for their safety.

Moreover
, excessive poaching has
also
raised the disappearing of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Skin, fur and fangs of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for creating fashion accessories like coats and bags, and
also
for illegal trading. It has resulted in an increasing hunting of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Despite this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of few countries managed to find a way to solve this situation by banning on killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by hunters, for the sake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
desires.
For instance
, in Finland after this regulation
was introduced
the amount of elks grew
significantly
.
Additionally
, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
program about the significance of the fauna in their environment motivated Finns preserve wildlife and not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
products made from them.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should tackle the escalating problem of elimination and endangering of certain wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by forming strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations about the wild habitat and excessive poaching. If these measures
are followed
, we can
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an earth a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
planet where all species co-exist.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The government is not educating people enough about the importance of living a balanced and healthy life style. v. 382

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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