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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should get a secure job right away rather than wait for a satisfactory one. v.370

People should get a secure job right away rather than wait for a satisfactory one. v. 370
Major diversity could be found in population composition of various countries as young generation predominate the older one. There are various benefits and demerits of same. In this essay, we will the components that outweighs its disadvantages in detail in below mentioned paragraphs. First of all, a compound of larger number of young blood has enormous benefits like fresh ideas, active and healthier body. To put it another way, a new generation is one who has seen old working customs and ready with new and rebellious ideas to work more productively and enthusiastically. As such, that proves to be very crucial asset for the economic growth and development of a country. On the other hand, composing largely of new generation has its drawbacks as well. Firstly, they lack in most experienced and eternal force of the nation. As such, timely suggestions and guidance is not available. In addition to this, there are no leaders. To elaborate further, new and young lack in finance to establish some factory or firm, and give employment to others. But, these disadvantages are not competent enough to get resolved. As, today, many financial institutions are there to provide funds to start a venture and the experience and maturity is a matter of time only, could be attained with focus and time. In conclusion, there is variation in population pattern of various countries. There may lack in expertise in young, but they can support the economy of a country in a better way. Hence, the government should focus on these early assets.
Major diversity could
be found
in population composition of various countries as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation predominate the older one. There are various benefits and demerits of same. In this essay, we will the components that outweighs its disadvantages in detail in below mentioned paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a compound of larger number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
blood has enormous benefits like fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, active and healthier body. To put it another way, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation is one who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
working customs and ready with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and rebellious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to work more
productively
and
enthusiastically
. As such, that proves to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial asset for the economic growth and development of a country.

On the other hand
, composing
largely
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation has its drawbacks
as well
.
Firstly
, they lack in most experienced and eternal force of the nation. As such, timely suggestions and guidance is not available.
In addition
to this, there are no leaders. To elaborate
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
lack in finance to establish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factory or firm, and give employment to others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these disadvantages are not competent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
resolved. As,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
financial institutions are there to provide funds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a venture and the experience and maturity is a matter of time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, could
be attained
with focus and time.

In conclusion
, there is variation in population pattern of various countries. There may lack in expertise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can support the economy of a country in a better way.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on these early assets.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People should get a secure job right away rather than wait for a satisfactory one. v. 370

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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