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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should get a secure job right away rather than wait for a satisfactory one. v.834

People should get a secure job right away rather than wait for a satisfactory one. v. 834
Throughout the history, Job has played an important role in people' s lives. People always need to meet some of their requirements by paying money and because of that they need to assign some of the hours of each day to do an action for making money which is called job. But there is still a confusion among people regarding to job opportunities. They believe that one person should accept the secure job offer immediately rather than wait for a satisfactory job. From my sight this claim is not acceptable; I will imply my two most important points of view in following paragraphs. The first reason crossing the mind at first glance is that by working on a satisfactory job, workers creativity will get high. Every day when a satisfied worker goes on his or her work place, has more willing to do the job correctly in a short time. According to this tendency, the worker tries to do every details in a way that causes the least time wasting. The creativity has important effect on the workers professional level and causes improving job skills. Recent researches indicates that when a person is satisfied and happy with the job occupying, his or her creativity will become up to 80 percent and the upcoming creativity will have a good impact either on the work environment and the other co-workers behavior. Another equally significant point to be mentioned is that, when a person is satisfied with the job, will be happy and that happiness coming from doing a satisfactory job, prevents some mental illnesses such as depression and reduce the stress. Working on a joyful work causes the brain to release Dopamine hormone. This hormone plays an important role on controlling a person’s feelings and it increases the energy level. The more the energy level is, the more the efficiency will be. Thus having more efficiency would gain more output and more speed in doing works. Finally, the other noteworthy point supporting this opinion is that a satisfactory job prevents the working times being routine. Routine tasks lend themselves to boredom and drudgery, causing employees to become unmotivated to perform at a high level. The lack of motivation causes the workers not doing their jobs till the deadlines, also causes the workers leave their work places more. Some researchers state the unmotivated persons may need rather than one or two weeks to get the happiness and motivation back to their lives. To put it briefly, all the mentioned reasons converge to the point that People should wait for a satisfactory job rather than get a secure job right away. I highly recommend that people consider this decision as a noticeable one, not just an ordinary decision, and stick to their favorites to achieve a better work experience. Also it is necessary for everyone to get some consultation before choosing a job and should take a look at every aspects of a job.
Throughout the history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
has played an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
always need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their requirements by paying money and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they need to assign
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
hours of each day to do an action for making money which
is called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is
still
a confusion among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities. They believe that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should accept the secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer immediately
rather
than wait for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. From my sight this claim is not acceptable; I will imply my two most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
of view in following paragraphs.

The
first
reason crossing the mind at
first
glance is that by working on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
creativity will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high. Every day when a satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
goes on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place, has more willing to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
correctly
in a short time. According to this tendency, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
tries to do every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "detail"?
details
in a way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the least
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time wasting
. The creativity has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Recent researches indicates that when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is satisfied
and happy with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
occupying,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
creativity will become up to 80 percent and the upcoming creativity will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact either on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment and the other co-workers behavior.

Another
equally
significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
to
be mentioned
is that, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is satisfied
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, will be happy and that happiness coming from doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental illnesses such as depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Working on a joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the brain to release Dopamine hormone. This hormone plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role on controlling a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
feelings and it increases the energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. The more the energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
is, the more the efficiency will be.
Thus
having more efficiency would gain more output and more speed in doing works.

Finally
, the other noteworthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
supporting this opinion is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the working times being routine. Routine tasks lend themselves to boredom and drudgery, causing employees to become unmotivated to perform at a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. The lack of motivation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
not doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
till the deadlines,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researchers state the unmotivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
may need
rather
than one or two weeks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the happiness and motivation back to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To put it
briefly
, all the mentioned reasons converge to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should wait for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
right away. I
highly
recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider this decision as a noticeable one, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an ordinary decision, and stick to their favorites to achieve a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it is necessary for everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consultation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and should take a look at every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay People should get a secure job right away rather than wait for a satisfactory one. v. 834

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
490 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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