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TPO-27 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying. Use specific reasons and ex v.1

TPO-27 - Independent Writing Task If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying. Use specific reasons and ex v. 1
Having the opportunity to give assistance to people is thought to be the most significant purpose of the wealthy people. In my opinion, I agree that gaining this opportunity is important as it can improve the society and individuals’ lives. A good reason as to why giving is the most important thing for the rich people is that it helps a nation to improve employment rates. Many of the business tycoons who earn billions of dollars own companies in which they need to hire thousands of people to operate. An example would be the Apple Company, which is founded by Steve Jobs. His invention of this gadget became very popular that it is now bought all over the world, giving many jobs in the field of marketing and technology. This then proves that money from the millionaires can help improve society’s economic growth and development. Another point would be that many important organizations are being funded by the money that wealthy people give. A lot of these groups can operate because of the donations and charitable gifts. Manny Pacquiao, for instance, is a popular boxer billionaire, who donates at many organizations in the Philippines to help support children to have a fine education. A lot of these children were able to finish school and have stable jobs now; helping themselves and their families as well to improve their living conditions at present and in the future. In conclusion, it is important to see that giving to other people can be very significant for the wealthy individuals as reflected by an improved economy in the society and well-funded organizations.
Having the opportunity to give assistance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be the most significant purpose of the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that gaining this opportunity is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the society and individuals’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason as to why giving is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing for the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a nation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
employment rates.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the business tycoons who earn billions of dollars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in which they need to hire thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to operate. An example would be the Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
, which
is founded
by Steve Jobs. His invention of this gadget became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
all over the world, giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs in the field of marketing and technology. This then proves that money from the millionaires can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
society’s economic growth and development.

Another point would be that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
organizations are
being funded
by the money that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
these groups can operate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the donations and charitable gifts.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Manny
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pacquiao
,
for instance
, is a popular boxer billionaire, who donates at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations in the Philippines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
support children to have a fine education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
these children were able to finish school and have stable jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
; helping themselves and their families
as well
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their living conditions at present and in the future.

In conclusion
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that giving to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant for the wealthy individuals as reflected by an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
economy in the society and well-funded organizations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TPO-27 - Independent Writing Task If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying. Use specific reasons and ex v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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