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In today's world of advanced science and technology, people still value artists such as painters, musicians, and writers. How can art make a difference in our society that science and technology cannot? v.2

In today's world of advanced science and technology, people still value artists such as painters, musicians, and writers. How can art make a difference in our society that science and technology cannot? v. 2
Some individuals believe that outlets selling unhealthy food and beverages should be banned as science has proved that these eatables can have detrimental effects on the person's health. I partially agree with this statement. Firstly, the eatables which are less in nutrient value and more harmful content can have severe impacts on the body if consumed for a long duration. To add further, eating non-healthy food and drinking unhealthy beverages can develop diseases like Obesity, Diabetes and ever chronic diseases like Cancer. Secondly, it weakens the immune system, because these foods are low in fibre, vitamins, minerals and high in harmful ingredients, as a result of this, the body is deprived of essential nutrients. Lastly, prohibiting the use of junk items can result in saving the government spending on the wellness issues On the other hand, in today's fast-paced life where both the parents are working, these foods come as a handy option, although, they are not good for health, but a small amount doesn't affect the body much. To add further, some big brands like Mc Donald's and Pizza Hut have many outlets across the globe, and helps the government in dealing with unemployment by creating jobs and contribute to the country's economy and GDP, hence stopping them to sell products can affect the economy. To conclude, undoubtedly fast foods and unhealthy drinks have serious impact on the person's health. However, banning the shops, selling these items could have an economic impact on the nation's growth, so, instead of banning them, people should limit its use.
Some
individuals believe that outlets selling unhealthy
food
and beverages should
be banned
as science has proved that these eatables can have detrimental effects on the person's health. I
partially
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
, the eatables which are less in nutrient value and more harmful content can have severe impacts on the body if consumed for a long duration. To
add
further
, eating non-healthy
food
and drinking unhealthy beverages can develop diseases like Obesity, Diabetes and ever chronic diseases like Cancer.
Secondly
, it weakens the immune system,
because
these
foods
are low in
fibre
, vitamins, minerals and high in harmful ingredients,
as a result
of this, the body
is deprived
of essential nutrients.
Lastly
, prohibiting the
use
of junk items can result in saving the
government
spending on the wellness issues

On the other hand
, in
today
's
fast
-paced life where both the parents are working, these
foods
come
as a handy option, although, they are not
good
for health,
but
a
small
amount doesn't affect the body much.

To
add
further
,
some
big
brands like
Mc
Donald's and Pizza Hut have
many
outlets across the globe, and
helps
the
government
in dealing with unemployment by creating jobs and contribute to the country's economy and GDP,
hence
stopping them to sell products can affect the economy.

To conclude
,
undoubtedly
fast
foods
and unhealthy drinks have serious impact on the person's health.
However
, banning the shops, selling these items could have an economic impact on the nation's growth,
so
,
instead
of banning them,
people
should limit its
use
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In today's world of advanced science and technology, people still value artists such as painters, musicians, and writers. How can art make a difference in our society that science and technology cannot? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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