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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family. v.37

The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family. v. 37
It is evident that social media has widened its horizons over the last few years, whose widespread usage is putting detrimental effect not only on users but on society, as a whole. I completely agree with the statement that sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are influencing people around the globe in a negative way. While on the surface, it seems social networking brings people together across the Internet, in a larger sense it may create social isolation and even addiction. As people prefer to spend amounts of time on social networks, hence experiencing less face-to-face interaction which is promoting device dependency and several health issues like hyper-networking and hyper-texting resulting in problems as severe as mental depression in many’s. According to a survey it is found that the primary reason of separation among couples is spending more time on social network instead of creating a harmony in relation. Furthermore, social media provides a platform that facilitates users to spread news worldwide on a single click. However, this facility is causing harm that any misinformation by miscreants can be easily shared globally without any authentication, which sometimes cause the irreparable harm to the reputations. In addition, disrespectful comments and posts about a sensitive matter put ill-effects on the victim. A study showed that most of the suicides were happening only because of bullying on the Internet. In summary, daily overuse of these social sites not only tends to have negative consequences on the health and mental well-being of an individual but also promoting isolation in society and sharing irrelevant information without any facts harming the dignity of others.
It is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media has widened its horizons over the last few years, whose widespread usage is putting detrimental effect not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on users
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on society, as a whole. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are influencing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the globe in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.

While on the surface, it seems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together across the Internet, in a larger sense it may create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation and even addiction. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to spend amounts of time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks,
hence
experiencing less face-to-face interaction which is promoting device dependency and several health issues like hyper-networking and hyper-texting resulting in problems as severe as mental depression in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
’s. According to a survey it
is found
that the primary reason of separation among couples is spending more time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network
instead
of creating a harmony in relation.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media provides a platform that facilitates users to spread news worldwide on a single click.
However
, this facility is causing harm that any misinformation by miscreants can be
easily
shared globally without any authentication, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
cause the irreparable harm to the reputations.
In addition
, disrespectful comments and posts about a sensitive matter put ill-effects on the victim. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that most of the suicides were happening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of bullying on the Internet.

In summary, daily overuse of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sites not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
tends to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on the health and mental well-being of an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
promoting isolation in society and sharing irrelevant information without any facts harming the dignity of others.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family. v. 37

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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