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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.252

The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 252
Education qualifications plays a vital growth in the todays world. Underprivileged adolescents find it hard to get admission into colleges. However, I believe universities should support and make it more accessible to them to join. To embark on, education qualifications plays an imperative role in the development of a person and should be a right of every individual. In the recent times, we have seen education has become extremely expensive, which cannot be afforded by the underprivileged people. Hence the educational institutions, can play a vital role in setting up financial aid in various ways, such as reducing the fee structure, concession on course material Furthermore, another major concern could be that, most of the students are the sole bread earner of the family, and they have huge pressure to work and make money rather than study. For this reason, a number of them are not able to get into institutions. The institutions here can support them by, providing them with some on campus jobs. This initiative will not only help them make some money and at the same time they can study and attain a qualification which, will benefit in the long run. In addition, creating awareness can also help these students getting a place in the college. As most of the campuses are in the city, very few underprivileged people will be aware of their presence. By organising some awareness programs in the villages and local city areas will create awareness among these students. In addition, there could be a lot of cultural gaps, which could cause hindrance for a number of students to join. The university can take some measures such as conducting some evening classes for these students, which will make them feel more comfortable. In conclusion, education plays a significant role in developing an individual. In my view, the educational institutions need to take measures to support the underprivileged students, which will help the society as a whole.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
qualifications
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a vital growth in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Underprivileged
adolescents find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission into colleges.
However
, I believe universities should support and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it more accessible to them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
.

To embark on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
qualifications
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
an imperative role in the development of a person and should be a right of every individual. In the recent times, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has become
extremely
expensive, which cannot
be afforded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underprivileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the educational institutions, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital role in setting up financial aid in various ways, such as reducing the fee structure, concession on course
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
material


Furthermore
, another major concern could be that, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the sole bread earner of the family, and they have huge pressure to work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money
rather
than study.
For this reason
, a number of them are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into institutions. The institutions here can support them by, providing them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
on campus jobs. This initiative will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money and at the same time they can study and attain a qualification which, will benefit in the long run.

In addition
, creating awareness can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
getting a place in the college. As most of the campuses are in the city,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underprivileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be aware of their presence. By
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness programs in the villages and local city areas will create awareness among these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In addition
, there could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cultural gaps, which could cause hindrance for a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
. The university can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures such as conducting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evening classes for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel more comfortable.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a significant role in developing an individual. In my view, the educational institutions need to take measures to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the society as a whole.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 252

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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