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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephone has greater influence on people’s lives thantelevision has. v.287

Telephone has greater influence on people’s lives thantelevision has. v. 287
Whether young adults should obey the orders of the aged people or not is a hotly debated topic that divides people. Some individuals argue that the children should question the guidance from the elders. In this essay, we will discuss when should a teenager obey the elders and when one shouldn't, followed my viewpoint and conclusion. Can anyone deny that fact that a person's age and their life experience is not directly related? No, it is irrefutable. Because of this reason, it is advised that school children should respect and accept the things that grandparents or other aged people tell them to do. Not only, it can help them in doing things easily, but also save precious time. When I was a child, my grandfather taught me abacus, it helped in doing my mathematics assignments with ease. On the other hand, when children near the adolescence, they should be willing to question on the matters that they are asked to follow. This is because, as they progress they will need to make some decision on their own and every time they can't have access to elderly guidance. Although not sticking to a piece of advice might result in some mistakes, it could serve as an opportunity to learn. A research conducted by the Young Minds Associations found that young people who challenge the rules set by their grandparents are more successful as professionals when they join an organization. To conclude, in my opinion, it is better to stick to what old people say at the beginning of teenage and towards the latter end of teenage, it is okay to find reason and debate on what one should be following.
Whether young adults should obey the orders of the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or not is a
hotly
debated topic that divides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that the children should question the guidance from the elders. In this essay, we will discuss when should a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
obey the elders and when one shouldn't, followed my viewpoint and conclusion.

Can anyone deny that fact that a person's age and their life experience is not
directly
related? No, it is irrefutable.
Because of this
reason, it
is advised
that school children should respect and accept the things that grandparents or other aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them to do. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in doing things
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
save precious time. When I was a child, my grandfather taught me abacus, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in doing my mathematics assignments with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.

On the other hand
, when children near the adolescence, they should be willing to question on the matters that they
are asked
to follow. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as they progress they will need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decision on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and every time they can't have access to elderly guidance. Although not sticking to a piece of advice might result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mistakes, it could serve as an opportunity to learn.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
conducted by the Young Minds Associations found that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who challenge the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
set by their grandparents are more successful as professionals when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
an organization.

To conclude
, in my opinion, it is better to stick to what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say at the beginning of teenage and towards the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of teenage, it is okay to find reason and debate on what one should be following.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Telephone has greater influence on people’s lives thantelevision has. v. 287

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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