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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The more money people have, the more they should give away to charity v.172

The more money people have, the more they should give away to charity v. 172
Recently, the multitude of consumers who opt for online shopping over in-store shopping is considerably increasing. This has certainly affected the business of shopping centres to a great extent. Even though some may ascertain that this is a negative effect, this essay will reason why such a notion is completely inaccurate because electronic shopping is extremely convenient and more affordable. Firstly, electronic commerce is generally considered to be more accessible to customers than other forms of shopping. Because of the modern age lifestyle, which entails more professional and personal responsibilities, many people face difficulty in finding the time for in-store shopping. For example, virtual shopping websites such as, eBay and Amazon provide a wide range of products online, which cater to the needs of individuals from the comfort of their home. Moreover, the aforementioned sites eliminate the need for travelling to distant stores and parking vehicles in crowded cities which makes it even more appealing. Furthermore, internet shopping in many cases can be more affordable. it offers prices and features comparisons of products; this enables shoppers to choose the appropriate merchandise which suits their needs. For instance, the same websites mentioned previously, Amazon and eBay, display buyers' reviews and experience. Not only that, but also provide the best deals to compete with other sites. Additionally, in a recent article it has been shown that items sold online are 10% cheaper than their counterpart on-shelf goods Thus, a conclusion can be drawn that online shopping offers greater benefits to clients when compared to in-store purchasing. It clearly converts shopping into a hassle-free experience and an economical one too. Therefore, such mode of shopping is definitely a positive trend and is set to continue.
Recently, the multitude of consumers who opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
over in-store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
considerably
increasing. This has
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the business of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to a great extent.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may ascertain that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect, this essay will reason why such a notion is completely inaccurate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
extremely
convenient and more affordable.

Firstly
, electronic commerce is
generally
considered to be more accessible to customers than other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the modern age lifestyle, which entails more professional and personal responsibilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
face difficulty in finding the time for in-store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
For example
, virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites such as, eBay and Amazon provide a wide range of products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, which cater to the needs of individuals from the comfort of their home.
Moreover
, the aforementioned sites eliminate the need for travelling to distant stores and parking vehicles in crowded cities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it even more appealing.

Furthermore
, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases can be more affordable.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
offers prices and features comparisons of products; this enables shoppers to choose the appropriate merchandise which suits their needs.
For instance
, the same websites mentioned previously, Amazon and eBay, display buyers' reviews and experience. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide the best deals to compete with other sites.
Additionally
, in a recent article it has
been shown
that items sold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are 10% cheaper than their counterpart on-shelf
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods


Thus
, a conclusion can
be drawn
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
offers greater benefits to clients when compared to in-store purchasing. It
clearly
converts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
into a hassle-free experience and an economical one too.
Therefore
, such mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend and
is set
to continue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay The more money people have, the more they should give away to charity v. 172

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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