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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Workers would be much happier if they are doing different types of tasks at the same time than doing the same task. v.171

Workers would be much happier if they are doing different types of tasks at the same time than doing the same task. v. 171
Many people argue that instead of wasting capital on building theatres and sports medium, the government should allocate this cash to educate people. I totally agree with this statement, because the learning is indispensable for our life and it also helps to develop the nation. First, education is the basic necessities of the human life. And many impoverished people, who cannot afford studies, send their children to work for minimum wages. And so, funding money to educate these people helps in reducing child labour. For instance orphan children all over the country are despairing to study, which should be taken care by the government. Furthermore learning improves the quality of the life of the person. If one person in the family is educated, it improves the quality of a whole family. For example, when the cobbler’s son becomes a doctor, the whole family is rejoicing and respected for one person’s profession. For the above reasons, schooling is more important than any other thing. In addition, constant development in the education system is essential to improve the provincial and so the government should spend wealth on it. In order to compete with the other nations, the citizens of the nation should be educated. That is, the development of the nation is not only based on the revenue of the agrarian, but also on the literacy rate of citizens. Educating people also increases the economy of the bucolic, too. When more people are educated, it is easier to innovate new technology, which then results in increase in economy. For example, if a new technology is patented, organizations from all over the world, would give away fund to use the technology eventually the economy of the country is improved. On the whole, expensing the wealth on scholarship is a win-win situation. To conclude, education is a necessity, and it also helps in the growth of the country. So it is crucial to contribute money on the studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
instead
of wasting capital on building
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and sports medium, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate this cash to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the learning is indispensable for our life and it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop the nation.

First
, education is the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of the human life. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who cannot afford studies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to work for minimum wages. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, funding money to educate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
helps
in reducing child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
For instance
orphan children all over the country are despairing to study, which should
be taken
care by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of the life of the person. If one person in the family
is educated
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of a whole family.
For example
, when the cobbler’s son becomes a doctor, the whole family is rejoicing and respected for one person’s profession. For the above reasons, schooling is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than any other thing.

In addition
, constant development in the education system is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the provincial and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend wealth on it. In order to compete with the other nations, the citizens of the nation should
be educated
.
That is
, the development of the nation is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
based on the revenue of the agrarian,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the literacy rate of citizens. Educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
increases the economy of the bucolic, too. When more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are educated
, it is easier to innovate new technology, which then results in increase in economy.
For example
, if a new technology
is patented
, organizations from all over the world, would give away fund to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technology
eventually
the economy of the country is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
On the whole
, expensing the wealth on scholarship is a win-win situation.

To conclude
, education is a necessity, and it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the growth of the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is crucial to contribute money on the studies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Workers would be much happier if they are doing different types of tasks at the same time than doing the same task. v. 171

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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