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do you agree or disagree? children should play in outside with their friend than staying at home and playing with computers or cell-phones. v.158

children should play in outside with their friend than staying at home and playing with computers or cell-phones. v. 158
The question is whether students should play with their friends in outside to develop or working and playing with technologies such as computer, tablet and self-phone and so on. Everyone with regard to his perspective can maintain a specific direction toward this statement. Some believe that since nowadays the technology has kept marching forward; hence, the young should spend much time on it while others have a conviction that these types of devices can provide some irrecoverable damages in related to children' s future. I am unanimous with the latter group; so the next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons: To begin with, recent researches have shown that natural plays particularly those are done by friends will cause the brain’s performance to optimize. When the young play with each other, as a matter a fact, they display some creative behaviors. For instance, children have a variety of fantasies in their dream; therefore, they would like to show those mentioned dreams during play. This activity assists the young boost their power mind and meanwhile during school, the young will choose the best and fast approach to do their research papers. Take my own experience. When I was a kid, I and my friends were in the dream of flight. We were always attempting to make some tools for achieving this goal. Honestly, we could never succeed; however, our effort was appreciable and also that way helped us to broaden the capacity of our brain. In addition, the movement, jumping and running play a crucial role in humans' health. Today' s, the overwhelming majority of children have the obesity troubles because they prefer to lie down in front of TV to watch their favorite programs or sit down on the chair for a long time and play with their computers or tablets. Unfortunately, with passing time, the aforementioned problem can get worse. When children grow up in this way, their soul will be tried and the sense of torpid or numb feeling will overcome them. For preventing of depression or suicide thoughts in the future, parents should encourage their beasts to limit technology-based activities or at least they can plan an adequate program for playing with commuters. Playing in outside will lead the young to maintain their body in fitness mode; consequently, their self-confidence will increase. Moreover, one should not forget that playing with friends have a striking role in improving the relationships with others. A kid, who stays at home, will not have a chance to make new friends for himself. It goes without saying that the poor kid can suffer from social problems in the future in association with society. Yet, a child who spends enough time with their friends has high quality of interpersonal skills. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that I believe that playing in outside of home with other kids can form the children' s personality through boosting confidence in communication with others and also their brain has an opportunity to grow in the productive way.
The question is whether students should
play
with their
friends
in outside to develop or working and
playing
with technologies such as computer, tablet and self-phone and
so
on. Everyone with regard to his perspective can maintain a specific direction toward this statement.
Some
believe that since nowadays the technology has
kept
marching forward;
hence
, the
young
should spend much
time
on it while others have a conviction that these types of devices can provide
some
irrecoverable damages in related to
children&
#039; s future. I am unanimous with the latter group;
so
the
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons:

To
begin
with, recent researches have shown that natural
plays
particularly
those
are done
by
friends
will cause the brain’s performance to optimize. When the
young
play
with each
other
, as a matter a fact, they display
some
creative behaviors.
For instance
,
children
have a variety of fantasies in their dream;
therefore
, they would like to
show
those mentioned dreams during
play
. This activity assists the
young
boost their power mind and meanwhile during school, the
young
will choose the best and
fast
approach to do their research papers. Take my
own
experience. When I was a
kid
, I and my
friends
were in the dream of flight. We were always attempting to
make
some
tools for achieving this goal.
Honestly
, we could never succeed;
however
, our effort was appreciable and
also
that way
helped
us to broaden the capacity of our brain.

In addition
, the movement, jumping and running
play
a crucial role in
humans&
#039; health.
Today&
#039; s, the overwhelming majority of
children
have the obesity troubles
because
they prefer to lie down in front of TV to
watch
their favorite programs or sit down on the chair for a long
time
and
play
with their computers or tablets. Unfortunately, with passing
time
, the aforementioned problem can
get
worse. When
children
grow up in this way, their soul will
be tried
and the sense of torpid or numb feeling will overcome them. For preventing of depression or suicide thoughts in the future, parents should encourage their beasts to limit technology-based activities or at least they can plan an adequate program for
playing
with commuters.
Playing
in outside will lead the
young
to maintain their body in fitness mode;
consequently
, their self-confidence will increase.

Moreover
, one should not forget that
playing
with
friends
have a striking role in improving the relationships with others. A
kid
, who stays at home, will not have a chance to
make
new
friends
for himself. It goes without saying that the poor
kid
can suffer from social problems in the future in association with society.
Yet
, a child who spends
enough
time
with their
friends
has high quality of interpersonal
skills
.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that I believe that
playing
in outside of home with
other
kids
can form the
children&
#039; s personality through boosting confidence in communication with others and
also
their brain has an opportunity to grow in the productive way.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay children should play in outside with their friend than staying at home and playing with computers or cell-phones. v. 158

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
507 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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