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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 153 v.43

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 153 v. 43
Museums are performing a vital role to aware the society about the history. Momentarily, many museums all over the world are collecting the entry fees to the visitors, whereas few of them are providing the services at free of cost. In my opinion, the practice of charging the entry fees at museums consists of innumerable merits and few demerits; which discussed in the essay further. To begin with, the collection of nominal fees enables the museum to be self-reliant and strengthen them fiscally. Most of the museums are governed by the local authorities to preserve the valuable heritage of the aboriginal traditions and cultures. By conducting few entry fees, the authority can get good monetary support to maintain the infrastructure and monuments for the future generations. Moreover, the financially strong museums could organise the thing in interesting ways to attract more visitors. As a result, the purpose of it could be served effectively. For instance, the entry fees collected by museum could appoint guides for the visitors and generate more employment in that region. Thus, the minimal charges are worth for the visitor to spend at a museum. On the other hand, such taxation on museum might discourage the visitors and ultimately their numbers may decline. In this digital world, the people could gain the information in their smart phones of computers with the help of the internet. Although, museums are ideal places to gain the information, the charges of the museum will provoke the visitors to gain the information through the internet. For example, the history of many civilizations is available on the internet with videos and graphics at free of cost; which influence the youth more than the museums. In conclusion, there are manifold merits of charging the museum visitor, while there is only a single threat of decay it importance to the people. Thus, the benefits of the charging the visitors at museums outweigh its drawback.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are performing a vital role to aware the society about the history.
Momentarily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
all over the world are collecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, whereas few of them are providing the services at free of cost. In my opinion, the practice of charging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
consists of innumerable merits and few demerits; which discussed in the essay
further
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the collection of nominal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to be self-reliant and strengthen them
fiscally
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are governed
by the local authorities to preserve the valuable heritage of the aboriginal traditions and cultures. By conducting few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
, the authority can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
monetary support to maintain the infrastructure and monuments for the future generations.
Moreover
, the
financially
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
could
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
the thing in interesting ways to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
.
As a result
, the purpose of it could
be served
effectively
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
collected by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
could appoint guides for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
and generate more employment in that region.
Thus
, the minimal charges are worth for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
to spend at a museum.

On the other hand
, such taxation on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
might discourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
and
ultimately
their numbers may decline. In this digital world, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could gain the information in their smart phones of computers with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the internet. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are ideal places to gain the information, the charges of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
will provoke the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to gain the information through the internet.
For example
, the history of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
civilizations is available on the internet with videos and graphics at free of cost; which influence the youth more than the museums.

In conclusion
, there are manifold merits of charging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
, while there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a single threat of decay it importance to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
, the benefits of the charging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
outweigh its drawback.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 153 v. 43

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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