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The students are discussing two possible places to meet to finalize their presentation plans. Describe their problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and explain why. v.1

The students are discussing two possible places to meet to finalize their presentation plans. Describe their problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and explain why. v. 1
Because of peril situations and problems in the current world, some people are of the opinion that usage of mobile phones by the pupils should be made as obligatory, whilst other experts oppose it. In my opinion, using mobile phones saves them from risky circumstances. On the one hand, utilization of mobile phones in excess will have a detrimental effect on their health. For example, according to the world health organization, usage of this can lead to a disease called cancer, which is caused due to the radiations that are emitted by them. In addition, they also reduce face to face interaction; texting has become quite popular with the youth thus eroding social interaction skills and physical movement and exercise On the other hand, it helps parents to bail out their children from threat situations such as when they are kidnapped. By tracking their current location using Global Position System (GPS) they can rush towards the location. For instance, in recent times the civil force of a state was able to track the criminals who kidnapped three children from a school. They were rescued by police using a GPS that is present in one of the child phone. To conclude, although using mobile phones is harmful to health, measures such as using ear phones can avoid the chances of getting cancer. Usage of mobile phones for children should be made compulsory as they provide a tracking mechanism which can free them when they are in danger situations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of peril situations and problems in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
by the pupils should
be made
as obligatory, whilst other experts oppose it. In my opinion, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
saves them from risky circumstances.

On the one hand, utilization of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in excess will have a detrimental effect on their health.
For example
, according to the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world health organization
, usage of this can lead to a disease called cancer, which
is caused
due to the radiations that
are emitted
by them.
In addition
, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
face to face interaction; texting has become quite popular with the youth
thus
eroding social interaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and physical movement and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
exercise


On the other hand
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
parents to bail out their children from threat situations such as when they
are kidnapped
. By tracking their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
location using Global Position System (GPS) they can rush towards the location.
For instance
, in recent times the civil force of a state was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the criminals who kidnapped three children from a school. They
were rescued
by police using a GPS
that is
present in one of the child phone.

To conclude
, although using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is harmful to health, measures such as using ear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can avoid the chances of getting cancer. Usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for children should
be made
compulsory as they provide a tracking mechanism which can free them when they are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
situations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The students are discussing two possible places to meet to finalize their presentation plans. Describe their problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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