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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young children should learnto draw or paint. Include details and examples to support your response. v.152

Young children should learnto draw or paint. Include details and examples to support your response. v. 152
Modern technology has been increased along with the new health problems. Many more people are getting suffered due to health problems caused by modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicine. I agree with this perception and I will explain my reasons in the following passage. Firstly, how much technology and medical sciences have been developed also still there are some diseases which cannot be prevented and treated by modern medicine. Therefore, people are getting suffered due to various health issues caused by modern lifestyle. Nowadays, every individual owning cars which makes them to travel happily to their workplace, but at the same time, this increases air pollution in the society. For example, latest research in a country shows that there is a vast increase in the sales of their company car's in last 2 yrs and also environmental research shows that there is a huge increase in the pollution. In these days, people totally avoided to have our ancestral tradition of having treatment for their problems. In olden days people used to have good food which results in good health. Also, they used many home remedies to cure their problem. People now should encourage themselves to get rewound to the olden traditional medicine. Indirectly, those ways will also help one to get treated with the problems even which cannot be treated with the modern science and technology. After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can recapitulate that we should accept our olden methods and traditional treatments. So that we can find an appropriate treatment and also medicine for new issues.
Modern
technology has
been increased
along with the new
health
problems
.
Many
more
people
are getting suffered due to
health
problems
caused by
modern
lifestyle which cannot be
treated
with
modern
medicine
. I
agree
with this perception and I will
explain
my reasons in the following passage.

Firstly
, how much technology and medical sciences have
been developed
also
still
there are
some
diseases which cannot be
prevented
and
treated
by
modern
medicine
.
Therefore
,
people
are getting suffered due to various
health
issues caused by
modern
lifestyle. Nowadays, every individual owning cars which
makes
them to travel
happily
to their workplace,
but
at the same time, this increases air pollution in the society.
For example
,
latest
research in a country
shows
that there is a vast increase in the sales of their
company
car's in last 2 yrs and
also
environmental research
shows
that there is a huge increase in the pollution.

In these days,
people
totally
avoided to have
our ancestral tradition of having treatment for their problems.

In olden days
people
used
to have
good
food which results in
good
health
.
Also
, they
used
many
home remedies to cure their
problem
.
People
now
should encourage themselves to
get
rewound to the olden traditional
medicine
.
Indirectly
, those ways will
also
help
one to
get
treated
with the
problems
even which cannot be
treated
with the
modern
science and technology.

After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can recapitulate that we should accept our olden methods and traditional treatments.
So
that we can find an appropriate treatment and
also
medicine
for new issues.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Young children should learnto draw or paint. Include details and examples to support your response. v. 152

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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