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152. Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

152. Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
The majority of citizens spend a great deal of time on their jobs by which they lose their chance to have any physical and recreational activities. Devoting more hours to work, although has benefits in the short term, including higher income or career advancement, causes the drawbacks of losing the leisure moments which are detrimental and long term. Working for long hours leads to increase productivity, which may enhance the chance of promotion and pay hike. These ambitions lead people to sacrifice parts of their private life for their occupation. These modern-day slaves dream of a respect that will be earned by career advancement or that their future pay-checks will be high enough to live a luxurious life. However, they do not consider perpetual and the horrid consequences of lack of sport activities and entertainment. An employee of a company who likes to buy a new TV, works for hours in front of the monitor which can entail different types of eye diseases such as eye strain and blurry vision. Despite the minimal potential advantages of working too long and hard, there are some disadvantages for this phenomenon which should be noted. Our physical and mental health is irreplaceable treasures that we must use and take care of them for the rest of our lives. Our daily leisure time is the most important opportunity we have to maintain our healthiness. Spending this valuable time for working instead of for example going to sports clubs or meeting friends and family will cause health problems such as obesity or depression. These have a catastrophic power to ruin our lives, because their consequences are serious and the treatments that these diseases require are time-consuming and expensive. No matter how much benefit people earn from working longer hours, it could not outweigh the potential dangers they will face in future. Our mental and physical health is not something we allow ourselves to gamble on.
The majority of citizens spend a great deal of time on their jobs by which they lose their chance to have any physical and recreational activities. Devoting more
hours
to work, although has benefits in the short term, including higher income or career advancement, causes the drawbacks of losing the leisure moments which are detrimental and long term.

Working for long
hours
leads to increase productivity, which may enhance the chance of promotion and pay hike. These ambitions lead
people
to sacrifice parts of their private life for their occupation. These modern-day slaves dream of a respect that will
be earned
by career advancement or that their future pay-
checks
will be high
enough
to
live
a luxurious life.
However
, they do not consider perpetual and the horrid consequences of lack of sport activities and entertainment. An employee of a
company
who likes to
buy
a new TV, works for
hours
in front of the monitor which can entail
different
types of eye diseases such as eye strain and blurry vision.

Despite the minimal potential advantages of working too long and
hard
, there are
some
disadvantages for this phenomenon which should
be noted
. Our physical and mental health is irreplaceable treasures that we
must
use
and take care of them for the rest of our
lives
. Our daily leisure time is the most
important
opportunity we
have to
maintain our healthiness. Spending this valuable time for working
instead
of
for example
going to sports clubs or meeting friends and family will cause health problems such as obesity or depression. These have a catastrophic power to ruin our
lives
,
because
their consequences are serious and the treatments that these diseases require are time-consuming and expensive.

No matter how much benefit
people
earn from working longer
hours
, it could not outweigh the potential
dangers
they will face
in future
. Our mental and physical health is not something we
allow
ourselves to gamble on.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 152. Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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