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Describe a journey which you enjoyed. Where you wentHow you travelledWhy you went on the journeyExplain why you remember this journey well v.1

Describe a journey which you enjoyed. Where you wentHow you travelledWhy you went on the journeyExplain why you remember this journey well v. 1
Women are collision of both strength and courage. Most of the people think that men and women are equal and able to do any job they wish. Whereas, few others think that they are not equal and women are not capable of doing certain jobs. I totally disagree with this opinion and I am going to explain my reasons in the following passage. First and foremost, women are not at all weak when compared to men. Always, women can do all the jobs which are done by men equally. Nowadays, we can see many women are even entered into army forces and military. Even women are also encouraged towards police training. Because, women can easily handle lady criminals and investigate them without any mishaps by men. At the same time, every job needs some training related to that work besides the gender differentiation. As one takes training before entering into the job they can do it efficiently. Consequently, there are some people who degrade women without encouraging them to enter into any field which they are interested. In ancient days, ladies used to feel shy and afraid even to come out of their home because of the society. But, now the days have been changed and also pupils perception has got to change. Women can module themselves to set into any career field. In these days, women are almost dressing like men so, there are no conflicts for adjusting to the dress code even. After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that both men and women are equal in all aspects. Women are also capable to do any job irrespective with the physical stress involved in that job.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are collision of both strength and courage. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are equal and able to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they wish. Whereas, few others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are not equal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not capable of doing certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. I
totally
disagree with this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
opinion and
I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons in the following passage.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not at all weak when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
The adverb 'Always' is usually not used at the beginning of a sentence.
Always
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can do all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
are done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
equally
. Nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are even entered into army forces and military. Even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
also
encouraged towards police training.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
easily
handle lady criminals and investigate them without any mishaps by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. At the same time, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
training related to that work
besides
the gender differentiation. As one takes training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they can do it
efficiently
.

Consequently
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who degrade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
without encouraging them to enter into any field which they
are interested
. In ancient days, ladies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to feel shy and
The adjective 'afraid' is used with 'to': "afraid to even".
afraid even
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the days have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
also
pupils perception has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
can module themselves to set into any career field. In these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are almost dressing like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, there are no conflicts for adjusting to the dress code even.

After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can
finally
draw a conclusion that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are equal in all aspects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are
also
capable to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
irrespective with the physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
involved in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Describe a journey which you enjoyed. Where you wentHow you travelledWhy you went on the journeyExplain why you remember this journey well v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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