Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It's better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v.140

It's better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v. 140
Nowadays, most of the current generation parents are being alarmed of their kids getting accustomed to video games and content that contains violence and blood. This essay illustrates the consequences of those games and measures to be taken by parents to minimize the usage by their kin. It is a human tendency that, people get instantly attracted to games that are horror and wild. This is prevalent, particularly in the case of Millenials. Most of the recent super hit video games are either related to war-hunting or provoking the bullying and causing hurdles to innocent people. Let's take PUBG game as an example, which became an instant hit among the users and most of them are in teenage. They got addicted to the game with extreme levels and ignoring their daily routines and causing a lot of disturbances to people around. Some of them eventually becoming mentally disturbed. To control these adverse effects, Both parents and game providers need to work hand in hand so that it won't affect their children's health and behaviour. Firstly, there has to be a censoring agency to look after these kind of games and publish rating on which age group of users that can be used, same as the way it is working for movies. Government has to work proactively on setting up and monitor these activities. In addition to this, parents must educate and clearly explain their kids about side effects of such blood-filled games and how it's going to hinder their child's creativity at this tender age. To summarize, with the help of both government and service providers' consciousness, parents can control this violence-filled games and video contents. So that their kids will not fall prey to these activities.
Nowadays, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
being alarmed
of their kids getting accustomed to video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and content that contains violence and blood. This essay illustrates the consequences of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and measures to
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to minimize the usage by their kin.

It is a human tendency that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
instantly
attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are horror and wild. This is prevalent,
particularly
in the case of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Millenials
. Most of the recent super hit video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are either related to war-hunting or provoking the bullying and causing hurdles to innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take PUBG game as an example, which became an instant hit among the users and most of them are in teenage. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
addicted to the game with extreme levels and ignoring their daily routines and causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
disturbances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
eventually
becoming mentally disturbed.

To control these adverse effects, Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and game providers need to work hand in hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it won't affect their children's health and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Firstly
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be a censoring agency to look after
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and publish rating on which age group of users that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, same as the way it is working for movies.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work
proactively
on setting up and monitor these activities.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
educate and
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
their kids about side effects of such blood-filled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and how it's going to hinder their child's creativity at this tender age.

To summarize
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and service providers' consciousness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can control this violence-filled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and video contents.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
their kids will not fall prey to these activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It's better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v. 140

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts