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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning v.123

Distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning v. 123
The advancement in technology has not only benefited scientific discoveries but also remarkably impacted medicine and medical science. The century is blessed with comprehensive medical care and which has drastically improved lifespan among people. I firmly believe that due to increased lifespan the human civilization will be enlightened further and it will benefit society positively. The ultra-advancement in modern technology has transformed medical facilities and helped to cure some deadly diseases. With improved lifespan, people are able to contribute more to the society. For instance, In the US we have seen a number of people involved in startups after retirement. With their knowledge and experience, these startups are a massive success in the states. These startups are helping efficiently to move the economy and eradicate unemployment. People can spend more time with their family. In the modern era, the number of working parents is heightening, they are not able to take care of their kids due to work related commitments. These parents can leave their kids in safe hands of grandparents. Finally, the way many see an elder generation as a burden to society is no longer true. For instance, Politics, defence, finance and medicines are all sectors which require decades of experience and knowledge. To conclude, We as a society should learn from our senior generations so that we can also give back to society as they are giving and learn to make this planet a much safer to live. Improved lifespan is a blessing for the human race and we should be thankful for the technology.
The advancement in technology has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefited scientific discoveries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
remarkably
impacted medicine and medical science. The century
is blessed
with comprehensive medical care and which has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
lifespan among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
firmly
believe that due to increased lifespan the human civilization will
be enlightened
further
and it will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
positively
.

The ultra-advancement in modern technology has transformed medical facilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deadly diseases. With
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
lifespan,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to contribute more to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, In the US we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
involved in startups after retirement. With their knowledge and experience, these startups are a massive success in the states. These startups are helping
efficiently
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the economy and eradicate unemployment.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can spend more time with their family. In the modern era, the number of working parents is heightening, they are not able to take care of their kids due to work related commitments. These parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their kids in safe hands of grandparents.
Finally
, the way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an elder generation as a burden to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is no longer true.
For instance
, Politics,
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
, finance and medicines are all sectors which require decades of experience and knowledge.

To conclude
, We as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should learn from our senior generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can
also
give back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as they are giving and learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this planet a much safer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Improved
lifespan is a blessing for the human
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
race and
we should be thankful for the technology.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning v. 123

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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