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Do you agree or disagree with government giving money to artists, rather than health care system? v.1

with government giving money to artists, rather than health care system? v. 1
Many artists are well supported by their governments, but some feel that this is a misuse of taxpayers’ money. Although many artists couldn’t continue to work without this support, I feel that public health care is in more urgent need of the money. On the one hand, it is difficult for many arts institutions to generate profit, so without some help from the government, many theatres and other such places may have to close. It is important that the government assists such institutions so that they can continue to provide entertainment to the public. For example, there are many open-air concerts in the summer months in my hometown, which wouldn’t exist without the financial backing of the local council. However, I would argue that if these places were popular enough, they would be able to generate their own income. On the other hand, public hospitals all over the world are under financial strain. It would seem obvious that people’s health is of more importance than people’s entertainment, so this money should be given to hospitals to upgrade equipment and shorten waiting lists. For instance, Downshire Hospital in Ireland has blamed the lack of public funding for their shortage of nurses and available beds. Therefore, I believe that the money given to artists should be redirected into the health care system. In conclusion, although we may have fewer opportunities to enjoy the work of artists, I maintain that the money should be put into hospitals because people’s health is a more worthy cause.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well supported
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that this is a misuse of taxpayers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
couldn’t continue to work without this support, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care is in more urgent need of the money.

On the one hand, it is difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arts institutions to generate profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and other such places may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
assists such institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can continue to provide entertainment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
open-air concerts in the summer months in my hometown, which wouldn’t exist without the financial backing of the local council.
However
, I would argue that if these places were popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, they would be able to generate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
all over the world are under financial strain. It would seem obvious that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is of more importance than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
to upgrade equipment and shorten waiting lists.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Downshire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
in Ireland has blamed the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
funding for their shortage of nurses and available beds.
Therefore
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should
be redirected
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system.

In conclusion
, although we may have fewer opportunities to enjoy the work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, I maintain that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be put
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is a more worthy cause.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay with government giving money to artists, rather than health care system? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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