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Do you agree or disagree with following statement the environmental issue is too complex to be handled by individual v.1

the environmental issue is too complex to be handled by individual v. 1
For me, money is a very important topic because is something that you are constantly in use of in order to live. Personally, I consider myself a very responsible person who likes to take care of the money I get, because I’ve been taught how hard it is to get it in your pocket and how easy it comes off. Sometimes I ask myself, why a piece of paper gives us so much power. Many of us get to prioritize a piece of paper as if it’s their very own life. Some may just be responsible with it and there are others that do not really care about how they are wasting it. My parents have been very inclusive to me about money; they teach me every day how to pay bills or how to invest rightly. Giving this sort of resource to minors is a very controversial topic in my country because the majority of people consider teens as very irresponsible but what they don’t really see is that some of us might not know how to invest responsively because the adults that surround us don’t take the time to teach us the correct use of it and make us be responsible. I am one of those kids that are sometimes trapped in a much more mature way of thinking and seeing what surrounds me and I think it's an effect that reminds me every day of how much work my parents put on me with this topic; so much that I’ve become very cautious with the amount of wealth they give me and how to expend it. In other words, I agree with giving it to minors as long as the person who is giving it to them makes sure they are conscious of the meaning and value it has. Money stops being “wasted” the moment you stop thinking of what you want and don’t need and start thinking of what you need. Adults (especially parents) have to educate their kids by talking to them clearly and honestly. For example, I tell my parents that in order to teach me or my siblings about how to expend it, they have to create a sense of power/control for us; they have to give us the cash and tell us for how long it should last and what happens if we waste it before the given date, this is a very good way on how to prioritize and create responsibility to us. I thank my parents every day for believing in me and creating the sense of responsibility. Teenagers can be taught and trusted by adults. In conclusion the disagreeing might be solved if teenagers could be taught correctly on how to use it. If you can create an aura of responsibility and knowledge with money, then you are on the right road. Ask yourself; why not give teens a shot.
For me,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
topic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is something that you are
constantly
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Personally
, I consider myself a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
responsible person who likes to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I’ve
been taught
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
it is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it in your pocket and how easy it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
off.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
I ask myself
If " why" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, why
a piece of paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
power.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to prioritize a piece of paper as if it’s their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be responsible with it and there are others that do not
really
care about how they are wasting it.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
inclusive to me about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
; they teach me every day how to pay bills or how to invest
rightly
. Giving this sort of resource to minors is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial topic in my country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider teens as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
irresponsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what they don’t
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us might not know how to invest
responsively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the adults that surround us don’t take the time to teach us the correct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us be responsible. I am one of those kids that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
trapped in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more mature way of thinking and seeing what surrounds me and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's an effect that reminds me every day of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
work my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put on me with this topic;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
that I’ve become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cautious with the amount of wealth they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
me and how to expend it.

In other words
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with giving it to minors as long as the person who is giving it to them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sure they are conscious of the meaning and value it has.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
being “wasted” the moment you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
thinking of what you want and don’t need and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking of what you need. Adults (
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
educate their kids by talking to them
clearly
and
honestly
.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that in order to teach me or my siblings about how to expend it, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create a sense of power/control for us; they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
us the cash and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us for how long it should last and what happens if we waste it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
date, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way on how to prioritize and create responsibility to us. I thank my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
every day for believing in me and creating the sense of responsibility.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
can
be taught
and trusted by adults.

In conclusion
the disagreeing might
be solved
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
could
be taught
correctly
on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. If you can create an aura of responsibility and knowledge with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, then you are on the right road. Ask yourself; why not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
teens a shot.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay the environmental issue is too complex to be handled by individual v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
481 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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