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Do you agree or disagree with following statement Successful leaders should make others part of the decision making process. v.1

Successful leaders should make others part of the decision making process. v. 1
Some people do believe that clothes are the indication of a person's value and traditions. I do agree with this to an extent, but not completely. In this essay, I would like to present my views with supporting examples. Firstly, with diversification all over the world, a plethora of things such as language, clothing, rituals varies from place to place. People from different states and countries, dress in a variety of ways based on the climatic conditions and, various other factors such as safety, economy, comfort and so on. Although, we might get to know their culture, it is impossible to judge one's personality, based on the attire. For example, one can recognize a Bengali woman by the colour, style of the saree they carry. However, a human character can never be decided by what they wear, but on their education, empathy, knowledge and intellect. Character is built over the years based on one's interest, brought up, friendships and also the surroundings. For instance, I have seen plenty of people, who dress modestly but, they live a life full of energy, passion, adventure. They are ambitious and reached greater heights in their respective careers and lives. Achievers like Mahatma Gandhi, Mack Zuckerburg, Mother Teressa dressed simply and, let their deeds speak for them. Since, culture and character are two exclusive things and, are least related to the way of dressing up, I conclude saying that everyone should have the freedom of outfit without the fear of being judged by the public.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do believe that clothes are the indication of a person's value and traditions. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this to an extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not completely. In this essay, I would like to present my views with supporting examples.

Firstly
, with diversification all over the world, a plethora of things such as language, clothing, rituals varies from place to place.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
states and countries, dress in a variety of ways based on the climatic conditions and, various other factors such as safety, economy, comfort and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Although, we might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know their culture, it is impossible to judge one's personality, based on the attire.
For example
, one can recognize a Bengali woman by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
, style of the saree they carry.

However
, a human character can never
be decided
by what they wear,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on their education, empathy, knowledge and intellect. Character
is built
over the years based on one's interest, brought up, friendships and
also
the surroundings.
For instance
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who dress
modestly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life full of energy, passion, adventure. They are ambitious and reached greater heights in their respective careers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Achievers like Mahatma Gandhi, Mack
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zuckerburg
, Mother
Possible spelling mistake found.
Teressa
dressed
simply
and,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their deeds speak for them.

Since, culture and character are two exclusive things and, are least related to the way of dressing up, I conclude saying that everyone should have the freedom of outfit without the fear of
being judged
by the public.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Successful leaders should make others part of the decision making process. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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