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do you agree or disagree with following statement: people sometimes should do some things even if they do not like them? v.1

: people sometimes should do some things even if they do not like them? v. 1
It is under question that leadership ability is either innate or nurtured. Some people believe that it is only natural talent while others hold an opposite side that it can be learned. In my opinion, people can develop these skills thanks to learning and working progress and this essay will focus on this issue. First of all, it is undeniable that there are many children born with superior abilities that can allow them to become talented leaders. Leaders are usually charismatic, confident and persuasive, without these things, it is very difficult to be an inspirational and leading person. For instance, salesman who often fails to persuade customers to sign contracts or make purchases have little chance of becoming a team leader or higher positions. This failure shows that the ability to make others trust and feel convinced of them is very low. However, there are many people who have demonstrated that leadership skills are achieved through training and effort. That is why there is a large number of courses are organized to help those who need to improve the skills required to become a successful leader as well as manager. People, especially who are shy and lack convenient, can learn about public speaking instead of good body language, pronunciation and so on and it will make them better leaders. Besides, needed skills such as how to communicate better, persuade others, be more confident and teamwork can also be cultivated and practiced. In conclusion, although some of the factors related to leadership such as attraction are innate, human can still try to develop other skills to compensate for our weaknesses. Thereby meeting the requirements to become a great leader.
It is under question that leadership ability is either innate or nurtured.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
natural talent while others hold an opposite side that it can
be learned
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can develop these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
thanks to learning and
Did you mean "work in progress"?
working progress
and this essay will focus on this issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children born with superior abilities that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to become talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Leaders
are
usually
charismatic, confident and persuasive, without these things, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to be an inspirational and leading person.
For instance
, salesman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fails to persuade customers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
contracts or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
chance of becoming a team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
or higher positions. This failure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
others trust and feel convinced of them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have demonstrated that leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are achieved
through training and effort.
That is
why there is
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
courses
are organized
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
required to become a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
as well
as manager.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are shy and lack convenient, can learn about public speaking
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
body language, pronunciation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
.
Besides
, needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as how to communicate better, persuade others, be more confident and teamwork can
also
be cultivated
and practiced.

In conclusion
, although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors related to leadership such as attraction are innate, human can
still
try to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to compensate for our weaknesses. Thereby meeting the requirements to become a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay : people sometimes should do some things even if they do not like them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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