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Do you agree or disagree with following statement it is better to hold a big party and invite many people to come than a small party where only a few close friends and family members are invited. v.1

it is better to hold a big party and invite many people to come than a small party where only a few close friends and family members are invited. v. 1
In today's world, getting a job can be a serious issue for plenty of people. Finding a proper position requires numerous qualifications which should be taught to individuals according to their talents and abilities since they start their education. There are a few countries around Europe that are providing students age between 11 to 13 with practical and proficient courses that will help them find a suitable work after graduation. Meanwhile, there are other students of the same age who prefer staying in classes rather than learning new skills. This essay will argue about the tasks which schools can obtain in order to make students ready for the work environment. Education and training play the most important role in making people ready for their future positions. A large number of institutes focus on academic training which is needed, but it is not enough for an individual to make up his mind about his position. As an example, most schools pay too much attention to mathematics and science, whereas there are other courses which are more practical for today's demand than before. This neglect may cause good gifts to remain hidden in students. Although there are a great number of academic-based institutions, some schools provide functional and practical classes that help learners to discover their gifts in order to learn new skills and improve their abilities to arrange their effort. For example, these courses include learning software, working with computers, which is a necessity performing any task. Guiding students to practice different subjects and helping them to improve can be done via educational institutes, especially primary schools. This essay argued the designation of schools preparing younger students for the industrial environment. To conclude, I can suggest research which will specify the needs of the labour market in the near future, so schools can decide which courses should be taken by graders to simplify their job seeking.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, getting a job can be a serious issue for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Finding a proper position requires numerous qualifications which should
be taught
to individuals according to their talents and abilities since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their education. There are a few countries around Europe that are providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 11 and 13".
between 11 to 13
with practical and proficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them find a suitable work after graduation. Meanwhile, there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of the same age who prefer staying in classes
rather
than learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This essay will argue about the tasks which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can obtain in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ready for the work environment.

Education and training play the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ready for their future positions.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
institutes focus on academic training which
is needed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for an individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up his mind about his position. As an example, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
pay too much attention to mathematics and science, whereas there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
which are more practical for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's demand than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This neglect may cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
gifts to remain hidden in students.

Although there are a great number of academic-based institutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide functional and practical classes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
learners to discover their gifts in order to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their abilities to arrange their effort.
For example
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
include learning software, working with computers, which is a necessity performing any task. Guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects and helping them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
can
be done
via educational institutes,
especially
primary schools.

This essay argued the designation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
preparing younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for the industrial environment.
To conclude
, I can suggest research which will specify the needs of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market in the near future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can decide which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should
be taken
by graders to simplify their job seeking.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay it is better to hold a big party and invite many people to come than a small party where only a few close friends and family members are invited. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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