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do you agree or disagree? in order to celebrate major events, it is better to organize a big party with lots of people than to have a small party where only close friends and relative are invited. v.7

in order to celebrate major events, it is better to organize a big party with lots of people than to have a small party where only close friends and relative are invited. v. 7
It is considered by some that everyone should eliminate meat from their diet and take up a vegetarian lifestyle. In my opinion, I completely agree that this is one the most effective ways to ensure people are striving towards a healthier life. Studies have linked the consumption of meat, specifically red meat, with increased risk of heart disease, stroke and certain types of cancer. In addition, the consumption of meat has contributed to the global increase in obesity. For example, many countries in the West that show a high consumption of meat also show higher health issues, which are usually related to the heart, as well as ranking among the highest obesity rates. That’s to say, cutting out meat from one’s food intake and substituting with a vegetarian diet would drastically change their physical health and quality of life. Furthermore, in low-income countries where meat is priced like a luxury, picking up vegetarianism is an affordable route to take towards eating a living diet. In other words, not only does meat contribute to numerous health risks but also very expensive. For instance, underdeveloped countries tend to focus on agriculture; therefore, due to its abundance, eating a vegetarian meal will cost a family less than eating meat. In simple terms, consuming a healthier, plant-based diet will help people have more disposable income where they can invest and use to better their lives in different aspects. In conclusion, to deal with the high number of health risks, namely- obesity and heart disease, it is crucial for people to be educated on the issues caused by the consumption of meat and therefore, for people to take the initiative to gravitate towards a healthier lifestyle that is a vegetarian diet.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that everyone should eliminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
from their diet and take up a vegetarian lifestyle. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most effective ways to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are striving towards a healthier life.

Studies have linked the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
,
specifically
red
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
, with increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart disease, stroke and certain types of cancer.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
has contributed to the global increase in obesity.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in the West that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues, which are
usually
related to the heart,
as well
as ranking among the highest obesity rates. That’s to say, cutting out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
from one’s food intake and substituting with a vegetarian diet would
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and quality of life.

Furthermore
, in low-income countries where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
is priced
like a luxury, picking up vegetarianism is an affordable route to take towards eating a living diet.
In other words
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
contribute to numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
For instance
, underdeveloped countries tend to focus on agriculture;
therefore
, due to its abundance, eating a vegetarian meal will cost a family less than eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
. In simple terms, consuming a healthier, plant-based diet will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more disposable income where they can invest and
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
better their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects.

In conclusion
, to deal with the high number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
,
namely
- obesity and heart disease, it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be educated
on the issues caused by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and
therefore
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take the initiative to gravitate towards a healthier lifestyle
that is
a vegetarian diet.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay in order to celebrate major events, it is better to organize a big party with lots of people than to have a small party where only close friends and relative are invited. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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