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Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. Discuss both and give your opinion? Write at least 250 words. v.3

Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. v. 3
In this cut-throat competitive world, utilization of free time is always a better idea for children's overall development. However, how this spare time should be used by children, is a debatable question. Some people think that, children should be engaged in group activities, while others believe that, parents should let them learn how to spend their free time by their own. This essay will discuss both views and will elaborate how beneficial it is to let children learn by self-management. On the one hand, participating in extracurricular group events, definitely improves several essential skills in children. One of them is to co-ordinate with other team members to finish the task, which is really mandatory in real world work employment. Further, children can meet and learn numerous new things from other like-minded peers. For example, children can keep themselves updated with the latest technology and the trend by communicating with peers. On the other hand, scheduling time and tasks, plays a vital role in every successful person's life. So, if children manage time and activities by themselves, it can help to teach them how time should be utilised effectively. Moreover, it is also useful in improving several skills, such as management skills, setting the priority of tasks according to their urgency and complete tasks within the specified deadlines. As, learning such important skills is a long process, children should be encouraged to start learning from the early stage of their lives. To conclude, according to me, providing opportunity children to manage their schedule by themselves definitely brings a positive change into them, which will surely help them in the later stage of their life.
In this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competitive world, utilization of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is always a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for children's
overall
development.
However
, how this spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, is a debatable question.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be engaged
in group activities, while others believe that, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them learn how to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This essay will discuss both views and will elaborate how beneficial it is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn by self-management.

On the one hand, participating in extracurricular group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
several essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. One of them is to co-ordinate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
team members to finish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
, which is
really
mandatory in real world work employment.
Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and learn numerous new things from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
like-minded peers.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves updated with the latest technology and the trend by communicating with peers.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, scheduling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
, plays a vital role in every successful person's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and activities by themselves, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to teach them how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
effectively
.
Moreover
, it is
also
useful in improving several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, setting the priority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
according to their urgency and complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
within the specified deadlines. As, learning such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is a long process,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning from the early stage of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, according to me, providing opportunity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to manage their schedule by themselves definitely brings a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
into them, which will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the later stage of their life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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