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Do you agree or disagree whit the following statement? Games are as important for adults as they are for children v.1

Games are as important for adults as they are for children v. 1
Television plays an important to an individual's life. It is becoming popular day by day due to the rise in digital media. People are becoming addicted to it due to innumerable channels and programs running on them, which is resulting in people to become lazy and anti-social. I agree with this statement that due to the excessive use of television people are becoming a couch potato. To embark on, TV programs are quite addictive and most of the channels on the small screen are very interesting and getting huge TRP's. Due to which people are getting lazy and obese and tend to stay at home and spend most of their time watching television rather than utilizing it by doing something productive. For instance, a person watching TV series will be more curious about the upcoming episodes which they will not miss. Having this as a reason, he will not find time to socialize with people. On the other hand, we cannot deny the fact that television is not only the easiest electronic source to operate but also quite common in every house. Different nation cultures, traditions, and customs are broadcast around the world and people with limited access to the internet can gain deep insights. For instance, people in working place love watching TV to rejuvenate and refresh themselves from the hectic schedule. Some people bent towards watching comedy shows, religious rituals, and sports like cricket, badminton, basketball with their family gathered at home. For youngsters and college-goers News, knowledge tutorials and innumerable channels help them getting aware of current affairs. In conclusion, I personally believe that television is becoming dominant in people's leisure time by making them lazy and an anti-social person. However, using it wisely can be a great source of information and watched it in a constrained and limited manner all these negative effects can be avoided.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to an individual's life. It is becoming popular day by day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the rise in digital media.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming addicted to it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to innumerable channels and programs running on them, which is resulting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become lazy and anti-social. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming a couch potato.

To embark on, TV programs are quite addictive and most of the channels on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting and getting huge TRP's.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting lazy and obese and tend to stay at home and spend most of their time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
rather
than utilizing it by doing something productive.
For instance
, a person watching TV series will be more curious about the upcoming episodes which they will not miss. Having this as a reason, he will not find time to socialize with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, we cannot deny the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the easiest electronic source to operate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
quite common in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
nation cultures, traditions, and customs are broadcast around the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with limited access to the internet can gain deep insights.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in working place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
watching TV to rejuvenate and refresh themselves from the hectic schedule.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bent towards watching comedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, religious rituals, and sports like cricket, badminton, basketball with their family gathered at home. For youngsters and college-goers News, knowledge tutorials and innumerable channels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb 'and' is used with an infinitive: "to get" or "get".
getting
aware of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is becoming dominant in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's leisure time by making them lazy and an anti-social person.
However
, using it
wisely
can be a great source of information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
it in a constrained and limited manner all these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects can
be avoided
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Games are as important for adults as they are for children v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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