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Do you agree or disagree the following statement? Only movies that can teach us something real life is worth watching. v.3

Only movies that can teach us something real life is worth watching. v. 3
As some people may hold the view that only the informative movies worth watching; however, others take an opposite viewpoint and believe that there a wide range of movies and TV programs which cost to watch. I personally agree with the second option. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons which persuade me to put forward this perspective. The first exquisite reason which advocates my idea is the various desires toward the TV programs. Indeed, there are a huge amount of audience with a different wills and attitudes. This amount of audience covers children, teenagers, and adults. Thus, a program which is favorable for an adult is boring for a kid. A vivid example can be given to shed light on the subject is my sister and father example. My sister is ten years old and she is a fan of the cartoon; while, my father prefers to catch up the news program in the television. Thus, it depicts the different inclination are willing the various programs on the television. The second reason is the importance of the entertainment. Based upon the todays' hectic lifestyles, it is arduous to prepare a sufficient duration for entertainment. In this case, with a tough and restricted program which fetters the people from exciting life, the comedy shows in the TV is an appropriate option to tackle this difficulties. According to the noteworthy intelligible research conducted in my country, more than sixty nine percent of the employees of Tehran prefer to watch the comedy program on the television in the sake of its entertainment and relief caused. Consequently, it illustrates the priority of the comedy shows toward the informative movies. The last reason which confirms the accuracy of my perspective is the utilities of the other programs. Although the informative program costs to spend our valuable time for it, other kind of the shows and programs impacts on society are undeniable. For instance, a science fiction movie can be considered as one of the proper source which causes the enhancement of imagination. The promoted imagination leads to the creativity, and a creative mind is one of the main factors which pave the path for success and overwhelming the problems. Hence, besides the knowledge and data other skills such as the creativity have vital role in life and it is a wise choice to spend the time for science fiction movies besides the training movies. To wrap it up, all aforementioned reasons and examples shed the spotlight on the importance of the other TV programs besides the informative movies.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may hold the view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
worth watching;
however
, others take an opposite viewpoint and believe that there a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which cost to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second option. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which persuade me to put forward this perspective.

The
first
exquisite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which advocates my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is the various desires toward the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
Indeed
, there are a huge
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of audience with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
wills and attitudes. This amount of audience covers children,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, and adults.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
which is favorable for an adult is boring for a kid. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on the subject is my sister and father example. My sister is ten years
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
she is a fan of the cartoon; while, my father prefers to catch up the news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the television".
in the television
.
Thus
, it depicts the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
inclination are willing the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
on the television.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the importance of the entertainment. Based upon the
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays&
#039; hectic lifestyles, it is arduous to prepare a sufficient duration for entertainment.
In this case
, with a tough and restricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
which fetters the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from exciting life, the comedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the TV".
in the TV
is an appropriate option to tackle
Did you mean "these"?
this
difficulties. According to the noteworthy intelligible research conducted in my country, more than
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sixty nine
percent of the employees of Tehran prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the comedy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
on the television in the sake of its entertainment and relief caused.
Consequently
, it illustrates the priority of the comedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
movies.

The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which confirms the accuracy of my perspective is the utilities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
costs to spend our valuable time for it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kind of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
impacts on society are undeniable.
For instance
, a science fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
can
be considered
as one of the proper source which causes the enhancement of imagination. The promoted imagination leads to the creativity, and a creative mind is one of the main factors which pave the path for success and overwhelming the problems.
Hence
,
besides
the knowledge and data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as the creativity have vital role in life and it is a wise choice to spend the time for science fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
besides
the training movies.

To wrap it up, all aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and examples shed the spotlight on the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Only movies that can teach us something real life is worth watching. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
429 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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