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do you agree or disagree that it is mire important for students to learn about facts or understand ideas and concepts v.1

that it is mire important for students to learn about facts or understand ideas and concepts v. 1
Art is the backbone of any nation in terms of its productivity and cultural outlook. The money, spend on arts related activities by government, is not wasted at all. However, it is necessary to facilitate activities like music, painting and other aesthetics to provide people with catharsis and to keep balance in society. So, in my opinion, it is highly recommended to spend money on such activities for the betterment of people. Art is the medium to express emotions of the people in the form of music, painting, writing and other such activities. We are living in mechanized world, where everyone is depressed in the race to achieve a success. People find a cathartic relief when they sync their emotions, while watching a movie or a drama. They may find a solution of their problems while reading a novel. For instance, findings of a research carried out in Sydney University demonstrated the same results; those who watch movies often, are less stressful than those who don’t. Hence, it is clear from this example that art is fundamental for the better livings of human beings. On the other hand, those who claim this as an extravagant activity, are gone too far and neglect the basic element of society’s survival that is balance. Government should not allocate all the resources to the art and its related stuff, but should keep things in equilibrium by spending sagely on the arts and other necessities of people. In conclusion, I would reiterate my point of view that money used, in lieu of art, is worth spending to provide people with relief and comfort by letting go their emotions and help to maintain balance in society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is the backbone of any nation in terms of its productivity and cultural outlook. The money, spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, is not wasted at all.
However
, it is necessary to facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like music, painting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aesthetics to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with catharsis and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my opinion, it is
highly
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended spending".
recommended to spend
money on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the betterment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Art is the medium to express emotions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the form of music, painting, writing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. We are living in mechanized world, where everyone
is depressed
in the race to achieve a success.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
find a cathartic relief when they sync their emotions, while watching a movie or a drama. They may find a solution of their problems while reading a novel.
For instance
, findings of
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out in Sydney University demonstrated the same results; those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, are less stressful than those who don’t.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from this example that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is fundamental for the better livings of human beings.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, those who claim this as an extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
,
are gone
too far and neglect the basic element of society’s survival
that is
balance.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should not allocate all the resources to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and its related stuff,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
things in equilibrium by spending
sagely
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
necessities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I would reiterate my point of view that money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, in lieu of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, is worth spending to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with relief and comfort by letting go their emotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain balance in society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay that it is mire important for students to learn about facts or understand ideas and concepts v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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