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It is important for the government to spend money on art and concert halls than on the recreational facilities such as the swimming pools or playground. v.2

It is important for the government to spend money on art and concert halls than on the recreational facilities such as the swimming pools or playground. v. 2
The government' s decision has a crucial role in the society. The investment has been made by the leaders can alter the people life standard and welfare. While some people may hold the view that the majority of investments should focus on the art and concert halls; others, on the other hand, believe that the priority should be given to the recreational facilities. I personally agree with the second belief. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most conspicuous reasons which persuade me to put forward this perspective. The first reason which one should consider is that there is a huge demand for the relaxation. As a matter of fact, modern life obliges the people to have the hectic lifestyle; the individuals of the society are in the hurry to present their duties and responsibilities. Based on this chaos situation, the requirement for the span of time for relaxation is necessitated. Therefore, the elaborate recreational centers such as swimming pools and playgrounds are the decent options to address this demand. A vivid example can be given to shed light on the issue is my own instance. I am architecture, and I spend daily eight hours in my office. During my free period, I prefer to do the type of activities which enhance my mood. As a result, I go to the swimming pool in my hometown; by spending solely two hours in there, I feel fresh and recharged, and ready for the arduous weekdays. This example explicitly illustrates the importance of the recreational hub for the increment of the citizens' functions. Consequently, the investment in this field is a wise and sound idea. The next equally striking point is that the people suffer the obesity and they need physical activities to be fit. Indeed, the modern society and its mechanical lifestyle lead the dwellers to be less active. This life pattern causes the people faces the knotty health issues such as the heart attack. According to the noteworthy, intelligence survey conducted in my country, the risk of heart attack at the current decade is threefold more than the previous one; moreover, the primary cause of this incident is the individuals' dormant lifestyle. One of the ways to cope with this crisis is the physical activity. In a case which the authority put emphasis toward the recreational places, the people will be more eager to go there; and they will have the healthy and active lifestyle. The last reason which advocates my outlook is that the recreational places are required for the children to experience their childhood as vivid as possible. Unfortunately, the ongoing life pattern forces the children not to experience their childhood as in the past. For instance, by living in the apartment and for the sake of some principles, the kids are not allowed to jump or run in the house. Thereby they gather the massive amount of the energy and this energy converts to the other problematic behavior. However, the creational areas are the proper environments for the kids. They can release their feeling and energy without the restriction, which is beneficial for the kids' mental health. To wrap it up, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the conclusion that the government should put the spotlight on the recreational places; since the current citizens require the place for relaxation, and doing physical activity. Besides, it is effective on the children' s mood and mental health.
The
government&
#039; s decision has a crucial role in the society. The investment has
been made
by the leaders can alter the
people
life
standard and welfare. While
some
people
may hold the view that the majority of investments should focus on the art and concert halls; others,
on the other hand
, believe that the priority should be
given
to the
recreational
facilities. I
personally
agree
with the second belief. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most conspicuous
reasons
which persuade me to put forward this perspective.

The
first
reason
which one should consider is that there is a huge demand for the relaxation. As a matter of fact, modern
life
obliges the
people
to have the hectic lifestyle; the individuals of the society are in the hurry to present their duties and responsibilities. Based on this chaos situation, the requirement for the span of time for relaxation
is necessitated
.
Therefore
, the elaborate
recreational
centers such as swimming pools and playgrounds are the decent options to address this demand. A vivid example can be
given
to shed light on the issue is my
own
instance. I am architecture, and I spend daily eight hours in my office. During my free period, I prefer to do the type of
activities
which enhance my mood.
As a result
, I go to the swimming pool in my hometown; by spending
solely
two hours in there, I feel fresh and recharged, and ready for the arduous weekdays. This example
explicitly
illustrates the importance of the
recreational
hub for the increment of the
citizens&
#039; functions.
Consequently
, the investment in this field is a wise and sound
idea
.

The
next
equally
striking point is that the
people
suffer the
obesity and
they need physical
activities
to
be fit
.
Indeed
, the modern society and its mechanical lifestyle lead the dwellers to be less active. This
life
pattern causes the
people
faces
the knotty health issues such as the heart attack. According to the noteworthy, intelligence survey conducted in my country, the
risk
of heart attack at the
current
decade is threefold more than the previous one;
moreover
, the primary cause of this incident is the
individuals&
#039; dormant lifestyle. One of the ways to cope with this crisis is the physical
activity
. In a case which the authority put emphasis toward the
recreational
places
, the
people
will be more eager to go there; and they will have the healthy and active lifestyle.

The last
reason
which advocates my outlook is that the
recreational
places
are required
for the children to experience their childhood as vivid as possible. Unfortunately, the ongoing
life
pattern forces the children not to experience their childhood as in the past.
For instance
, by living in the apartment and for the sake of
some
principles, the kids are not
allowed
to jump or run in the
house
. Thereby they gather the massive amount of the energy and this energy converts to the other problematic behavior.
However
, the
creational
areas are the proper environments for the kids. They can release their feeling and energy without the restriction, which is beneficial for the
kids&
#039; mental health.

To wrap it up, all aforementioned
reasons
lead us to the conclusion that the
government
should put the spotlight on the
recreational
places
; since the
current
citizens require the
place
for relaxation, and doing physical
activity
.
Besides
, it is effective on the
children&
#039; s mood and mental health.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay It is important for the government to spend money on art and concert halls than on the recreational facilities such as the swimming pools or playground. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
570 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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