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Do you agree or disagree computer games is waste of time and children should not be allowed to play v.2

computer games is waste of time and children should not be allowed to play v. 2
Nowadays, Technology has a great impact on human' s life and computer games are very popular among people, especially among children. As a result, it is ongoing debates about whether playing computer games should be allowed for children or not. Although multitudes of people think that playing computer games is waste of time but in my view, computer games had many benefits and we can exploit these merits by using them in a right way. In the following I will state my reasons. First, children need some entertainments for killing their times and resting their minds. In other side, their parents often have not enough time to spend their times with children and they should provide healthy entertainments for children. Thus on of the best ways is computer games which is very interesting for children and also, does not get the parents time. On important point is that parents should select a suitable game which has good effects on children' s mind. Second, Children must have a certain time for playing because playing for a long time causes other troubles, for example they addict to these games and cannot concentrate on their lessons, and they have not enough interaction with their environment and become in sociable persons. Also in some cause children find overweighting problems. Therefore, parents should manage their children for appropriate using them. For instance, my brother in his spare time just playing computer games and he became very progressive and unsociable person and he has not any friends. Last but not least, some of the games are intellectual and promote the cognitive skills of children. Thus, these program intense the learning ability of them and make a good opportunity to reveal their talents. For example, the ability of thinking and analyzing power of children' s brain become strength by playing chess with computer. In nut shell, computer games are suitable means for children in order to enjoy and enrich their mental ability but, if they do not use them in a right way, they are transform to a harmful means to waste their times and. damage their health.
Nowadays, Technology has a great impact on
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s life and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, it is ongoing debates about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or not. Although multitudes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my view, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
benefits and
we can exploit these merits by using them
Consider replacing "in a right way" with the adverb for "right"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a right way
. In the following I will state my reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertainments for killing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
and resting their minds. In other side, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they should provide healthy entertainments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
Did you mean "one"?
on
of the best ways is computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
, does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. On
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should select a suitable game which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effects on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s mind.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
causes other troubles,
for example
they addict to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and cannot concentrate on their lessons, and they have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
interaction with their environment and become in sociable persons.
Also
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
problems.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for appropriate using them.
For instance
, my brother in his spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
he became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
progressive and unsociable
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
he has not any friends.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are intellectual and promote the cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, these program intense the learning ability of them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to reveal their talents.
For example
, the ability of thinking and analyzing power of
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s brain become strength by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
chess with computer.

In nut shell, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are suitable means for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order to enjoy and enrich their mental ability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
Consider replacing "in a right way" with the adverb for "right"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a right way
, they are
Consider using a past participle here: "transformed".
transform
to
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a harmful
means to waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
and.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
damage
their health.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay computer games is waste of time and children should not be allowed to play v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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