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Do you agree or disagree? people benefit from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v.76

people benefit from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 76
Many countries are witnessing the phenomenon whereby museums and historical places are able to attract mostly foreign tourists, not local people. In this essay, I will explore some possible reasons for this and the solutions that will encourage the local people to visit. To begin with, there are some reasons why tourists, instead of local residents, are usually attracted to these places. Firstly, tourists are thrilled at discovering the culture and history of the place they are paying a visit to, so museums and historical sites are obvious destinations. These places are able to provide materials such as videos and brochures which help visitors get a good grasp of the special value of those museums and historical places. Secondly, people usually need to pay an entrance fee to get inside these places, which often deters locals who cannot afford such fees even though they may be genuinely interested in visiting such historical places. Nevertheless, some measures can be implemented to attract more local people. For example, schools can arrange an annual visit to historical sites for their students to emphasize the importance of those places to the young generation. Furthermore, children should be educated to fully understand their local history and their responsibilities to protect those historical sites. Museum managers could also provide free tickets or souvenirs to local people. Moreover, utilizing technology to present the items in the museums so that they are exhibited in a more attractive fashion might be yet another effective method. In conclusion, museums and historical sites usually attract more foreigners than local citizens due to many reasons such as the high entry fees and the novelty factor, but effective solutions can be implemented to tackle this situation, such as organizing school trips to such places and using modern technology to attract more locals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries are witnessing the phenomenon whereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
mostly
foreign tourists, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this essay, I will explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible reasons for this and the solutions that will encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why tourists,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents, are
usually
attracted to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Firstly
, tourists
are thrilled
at discovering the culture and history of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
they are paying a visit to,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are obvious destinations. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are able to provide materials such as videos and brochures which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of the special value of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
need to pay an entrance fee to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inside these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
deters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
who cannot afford such fees
even though
they may be
genuinely
interested in visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
places.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures can
be implemented
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, schools can arrange an annual visit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for their students to emphasize the importance of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to the young generation.
Furthermore
, children should
be educated
to
fully
understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
history and their responsibilities to protect those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
managers could
also
provide free tickets or souvenirs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, utilizing technology to present the items in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
are exhibited
in a more attractive fashion might be
yet
another effective method.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
more foreigners than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons such as the high entry fees and the novelty factor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
effective solutions can
be implemented
to tackle this situation, such as organizing school trips to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and using modern technology to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay people benefit from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 76

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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