Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree? Educating children become more difficult than before due to the new technology such as social networks, online games and cell phones v.73

Educating children become more difficult than before due to the new technology such as social networks, online games and cell phones v. 73
Many freshmen who have newly entered the college feel hard to decide where they should stay during the time at college. Some students want to live together with their parents, whereas others want to live independently on campus despite that their home and college are in the same city, it is argued that the life on campus is better than life at home during studying. I completely agree with this viewpoint and in this essay, I will support my opinion and give some examples. First of all, living on campus could help students gain more experiences for themselves. Students could learn how to live independently and manage tome without parents' support. They have to do part-time jobs to earn money for paying for college as well as living costs, which gives them a chance to improve many social skills that are necessary for their major. The second one is the reduction of moving from home to college. Staying at college is beneficial for those who do not have their own vehicles. Not only students don't spend much money using petrol every month, but also save the amount of money to use for other purposes. In addition, not often travelling by vehicles can contribute to the decrease in the traffic jam and air pollution. On the other hand, living far from family also has some disadvantages. Those students who are often familiar with living with parents felt homesick when being alone. They could deal with many problems and get stressed if they cannot overcome them. In conclusion, for these above reasons, I completely believe that experiencing the college life is better than living at home. Students should have their plan and make a good decision to live outside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
freshmen who have
newly
entered the college feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to decide where they should stay during the time at college.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together with their parents, whereas others want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
on campus despite that their home and college are in the same city, it
is argued
that the life on campus is better than life at home during studying. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint and in this essay, I will support my opinion and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on campus could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain more experiences for themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
could learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
and manage tome without parents' support. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do part-time jobs to earn money for paying for college
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
costs, which gives them a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that are necessary for their major.

The second one is the reduction of moving from home to college. Staying at college is beneficial for those who do not have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
don't spend much money using petrol every month,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
save the amount of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for other purposes.
In addition
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
travelling by vehicles can contribute to the decrease in the traffic jam and air pollution.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
far from family
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with parents felt homesick when being alone. They could deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
if they cannot overcome them.

In conclusion
, for these above reasons, I completely believe that experiencing the college life is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
should have their plan and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
outside.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Educating children become more difficult than before due to the new technology such as social networks, online games and cell phones v. 73

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts