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Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. v.44

Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. v. 44
Over the last decades, humans gained a lot more medical knowledge. Doctors, nurses and in general hospitals and caring facilities got better and better. Nowadays, even cancer is not always fatal anymore. Despite this improvement, the average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future. It is questioned whether this is the case or just a pessimistic prediction. To begin, we become more and more a sedentary society. We sit most of the time at work and sit on our way back home as well as in front of the TV. Our interest in sport is lacking and the number of overweight people is growing, leading to obesity and diseases like diabetes. We got lazy in our everyday life and hard physical work is done by machines and robots, which is not that bad at all. Secondly, we do not take time off for a healthy meal. We are always in a hurry and often choose fast food over a warm dish. Therefore, we do not get enough vitamins and feel sick and lazy all day long. Furthermore, we live in a very hectic society. More people suffer from heart attacks and burn outs because the feel pressured and stressed by their companies respectively by other people. They want to be as successful as others and pay with their health. In conclusion, I think despite the improvements and developments in human medicine, the standard of people’s health is going to be lower in the future than it is now, because of our bad habits and our social attitude.
Over the last decades, humans gained a lot more medical knowledge. Doctors, nurses and
in general
hospitals and caring facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better and better. Nowadays, even cancer is not always fatal anymore. Despite this improvement, the average standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health is likely to be lower in the future. It
is questioned
whether this is the case or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a pessimistic prediction.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, we become more and
Did you mean "a more sedentary"?
more a sedentary
society. We sit most of the time at work and sit on our way back home
as well
as in front of the TV. Our interest in sport is lacking and the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is growing, leading to obesity and diseases like diabetes. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lazy in our everyday life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
physical work
is done
by machines and robots, which is not that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
at all.

Secondly
, we do not take time off for a healthy meal. We are always in a hurry and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food over a warm dish.
Therefore
, we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
vitamins and feel sick and lazy all day long.

Furthermore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hectic society. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from heart attacks and burn outs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the feel pressured and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
respectively
by other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They want to be as successful as others and pay with their health.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
despite the improvements and developments in human medicine, the standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health is going to be lower in the future than it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and our social attitude.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. v. 44

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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