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Do you agree or disagree? Teacher should be paid according to how much their students learn. v.36

Teacher should be paid according to how much their students learn. v. 36
Farming is the main job in rural areas, but it is not generating enough revenue for farmers. Due to this significant number of farmers are getting relocated to urban areas to earn sustainable wages. This situation has an adverse impact on crop production until we find a solution. Farmers are the greatest asset of any country, so what will happen, if farmers stop farming and start doing different jobs? Firstly, We will have reduced manpower in agriculture. This will directly lead to lower production of crops and vegetables. If the quantity of production goes down in comparison to the population, then the food prices will rise drastically. Low-income groups people will find it difficult to survive. Secondly, agricultural lands are mostly taken maintained by farmers. Unless a farmer takes care of the soil, the soil will lose its richness. As a result, there will be a loss of agricultural land over a period of some time. To prevent these negative impacts. The government has to eliminate the financial worries of farmers by providing free equipment, fertilizers, and pesticides. Even the government has to improve the farming infrastructure such as accessible water lines and continuosly connected electricity. These steps could reduce the overhead and effort of cultivating crops. Additionally, the government can provide a minimum salary for all the farmers so that they can fulfil the basic necessity of their families. To sum up, farmers changing their professionals will impact food productions. This change is due to low revenue generation, so it has become a government responsibility to consider the farmers' job seriously and provide them their handful wages so that every citizen receives food in their plates.
Farming is the main job in rural areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not generating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
revenue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
. Due to this significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
are getting relocated to urban areas to earn sustainable wages. This situation has an adverse impact on crop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
until we find a solution.

Farmers are the greatest asset of any country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
what will happen, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
farming and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs?
Firstly
, We will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
manpower in agriculture. This will
directly
lead to lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of crops and vegetables. If the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
goes down
in comparison
to the population, then the food prices will rise
drastically
. Low-income groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will find it difficult to survive.
Secondly
, agricultural lands are
mostly
taken maintained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
. Unless a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmer
takes care of the soil, the soil will lose its richness.
As a result
, there will be a loss of agricultural land over a period of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
eliminate the financial worries of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
by providing free equipment, fertilizers, and pesticides. Even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the farming infrastructure such as accessible water lines and
Possible spelling mistake found.
continuosly
connected electricity. These steps could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the overhead and effort of cultivating crops.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can provide a minimum salary for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can fulfil the basic necessity of their families.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
changing their professionals will impact food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productions
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is due to low revenue generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it has become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
responsibility to consider the farmers' job
seriously
and provide them their handful wages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every citizen receives food in their plates.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Teacher should be paid according to how much their students learn. v. 36

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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