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The graph below shows the percentage change in the nubmer of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006 alam re write v.1

The graph below shows the percentage change in the nubmer of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006 alam re write v. 1
At present, an increasing number of people are travelling than they were in the past. This is because of advances in the means of transportation, providing an unlimited opportunity for people to explore different places and expand their mindset. Over the past few years, there have been several developments witnessed in the transportation industry, specifically air travel. This has not only made travel safe and convenient, but also economical. Nowadays millions of flights everyday cover thousands of mile distances to reach almost every corner of the world. For example, in the 1950s, when travelling from South Asia to London on the ship took months to reach the destination, but now it is just a matter of hours via airplane. Moreover, travelling offers a chance for people to explore not only new places, but also allows them to learn about new people, their lifestyle, their language, their culture and values, and their history. This enormous opportunity to learn so many new things, opens people's mind and reconcile their perceptions about them with reality. For example, people in the west, have this perception created via the media about Pakistan that it is a terrorist country, and it's not safe to go there. When some of them visited Pakistan and they were amazed by not only the beauty of the country itself, but the hospitality of its people as well. This made them realize that what they see in the media or heard from others is quite the opposite. In conclusion, a large number of people are travelling today than they were in the past, due to the developments in the transportation means and can explore different places and reconcile their perceptions with reality.
At present, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
than they were in the past. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advances in the means of transportation, providing an unlimited opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places and expand their mindset.

Over the past few years, there have been several developments witnessed in the transportation industry,
specifically
air travel. This has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
made travel safe and convenient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
economical. Nowadays millions of flights everyday cover thousands of mile distances to reach almost every corner of the world.
For example
, in the 1950s, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
from South Asia to London on the ship took months to reach the destination,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a matter of hours via airplane.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
offers a chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to explore not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
new places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to learn about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, their lifestyle, their language, their culture and values, and their history. This enormous opportunity to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new things, opens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mind and reconcile their perceptions about them with reality.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the west, have this perception created via the media about Pakistan that it is a terrorist country, and it's not safe to go there. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them visited
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Pakistan and
they
were amazed
by not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the beauty of the country itself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the hospitality of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
. This made them realize that what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the media or heard from others is quite the opposite.

In conclusion
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
Use "(today)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
today
than they were in the past, due to the developments in the transportation means and can explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places and reconcile their perceptions with reality.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The graph below shows the percentage change in the nubmer of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006 alam re write v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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