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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country. v.96

Improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country. v. 96
Online trading has become a booming business in the modern world. More and more people are utilizing online sources to fulfil their buying needs. In my opinion, this trend has far more advantages like the global variety of product availability and more secure trading protocols as compared to the certain disadvantages of fraudulent activities and risky uncertainties. On one hand, the opponents of internet buying claim that it is a risky transaction because both the seller as well as the product are not being examined prior to transaction. This creates a level of uncertainty and raises the possibility of fraudulent exchange. For instance, on the most famous online site, the Amazon website, there has been evidence of sellers not sending the goods that the buyer ordered. This creates resentment in the buyers and decrease the trust in the overall internet economy. On the other hand, proponents of this notion suggest, and I concur, that the modern layers of advance security provided by the credit card companies as well as the massive variety which the online marketplace affords is a real boon to an online buyer. The increased ease of use and ability to get the desired product delivered to your doorstep is such a luxury which is very useful in the modern hectic lifestyle. This is exemplified by the fact that more and more consumers are flocking to online web portals to fulfil their wishes. This is evident by the increasing membership numbers of these online portals. Both amazon and ebay, giant internet trading companies, are an example of this phenomena. In conclusion, the positive aspects of online shopping in the form of increased product availability and greater credit card security far outweigh the meagre security risks one may feel in having an online transaction. Thus web trading has much more benefit than associated risks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trading
has become a booming business in the modern world. More and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sources to fulfil their buying needs. In my opinion, this trend has far more advantages like the global variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
availability and more secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trading
protocols as compared to the certain disadvantages of fraudulent activities and risky uncertainties.

On one hand, the opponents of internet buying claim that it is a risky transaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both the seller
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
are not
being examined
prior to transaction. This creates a level of uncertainty and raises the possibility of fraudulent exchange.
For instance
, on the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
site, the Amazon website, there has been evidence of sellers not sending the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that the buyer ordered. This creates resentment in the buyers and decrease the trust in the
overall
internet economy.

On the other hand
, proponents of this notion suggest, and I concur, that the modern layers of advance security provided by the credit card
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as well
as the massive variety which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
marketplace affords is a real boon to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
buyer. The increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
delivered to your doorstep is such a luxury which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in the modern hectic lifestyle. This
is exemplified
by the fact that more and more consumers are flocking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
web portals to fulfil their wishes. This is evident by the increasing membership numbers of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
portals. Both
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebay
, giant internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, are an example of
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping in the form of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
availability and greater credit card security far outweigh the
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
one may feel in having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
transaction.
Thus
web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trading
has much more benefit than associated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country. v. 96

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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