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do you agree or disagree? improving school is the most important factor for successful development of a country. v.130

improving school is the most important factor for successful development of a country. v. 130
Nowadays, a great number of factors contribute in growth and development a country. In recent years, a controversial debate has formed among people about determining the most important reason in the prosperity a society. Some believe that improving schools has a salient role in this way; however, others claim that other points can accelerate the progress. I am unanimous with the letter group. The next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through three noticeable reasons: To begin with, the psychologists always contends that if people' s soul is happy, their community will achieve the pack of success as soon as possible; hence, the first step is that governments should dedicate some their budget for art and entertainment section such as the best concert halls or cinemas, the most exciting funfairs and even local ceremonies. All of these can provide pleasure times for human beings. After a tedious week, such great entertainments can cause people relieve their stress; consequently, a fresh mind will assist workers to boost their performance in work places with making the least errors. In short, a society with joyful living beings can be more productive compared with a community with depressed people. The second reason for my argument lies the fact that since today' s the world confronts unemployment trouble, so no matter how a school is in high quality because students will not be able to find their favor careers in the future. For this, the states should support young investors by providing some loans or funds. Launching small businesses by highly motivated young people is one of the other crucial factors in creating development. One should not forget that young humans have the new and creative ideas; therefore, relying on them and their thoughts will cause youths to be encouraged in industrial section and global business. Moreover, the rulers should assist young beings to travel foreign countries for learning new technological advances and international management courses. Furthermore, the youths can observe the best methods which have caused those countries to grow, then they would take note form their observation, record some videos and interview with the most successful companies. In return, all of these data would lead the country toward the prosperity. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that improving schools is a small part of progress in a country, other factors such as investing in making people happy and trusting and supporting small businesses can be more vital in this way.
Nowadays, a great number of factors contribute in growth and development a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In recent years, a controversial debate has formed among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about determining the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason in the prosperity a society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that improving schools has a salient role in this way;
however
, others claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
points can accelerate the progress. I am unanimous with the letter group. The
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point through three noticeable reasons:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the psychologists always contends that if
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s soul is happy, their community will achieve the pack of success as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible;
hence
, the
first
step is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should dedicate
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their budget" or "some budget"?
some their budget
for art and entertainment section such as the best concert halls or cinemas, the most exciting funfairs and even local ceremonies. All of these can provide pleasure times for human beings. After a tedious week, such great entertainments can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
;
consequently
, a fresh mind will assist workers to boost their performance in work places with making the least errors. In short, a society with joyful living beings can be more productive compared with a community with depressed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The second reason for my argument lies the fact that since
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s the world confronts unemployment trouble,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no matter how a school is in high quality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
students will not be able to find their favor careers in the future. For this, the states should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
investors by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
loans or funds. Launching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses by
highly
motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crucial factors in creating development. One should not forget that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
humans have the new and creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
;
therefore
, relying on them and their thoughts will cause youths to
be encouraged
in industrial section and global business.

Moreover
, the rulers should assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Did you mean the verb "begins"?
beings
to travel foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for learning new technological advances and international management courses.
Furthermore
, the youths can observe the best methods which have caused those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to grow, then they would take note
Did you mean "from"?
form
their observation, record
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
videos and interview with the most successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. In return, all of these data would lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
toward the prosperity.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that improving schools is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of progress in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as investing in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy and trusting and supporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses can be more vital in this way.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay improving school is the most important factor for successful development of a country. v. 130

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
410 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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