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Do you agree or disagree? At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v.197

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v. 197
From my point of view, universities and colleges could have effective role in growing and flourishing students' talent. These talent could be in different fields in addition to the major that the students study. Therefore, the student' s participation in different social and practical activities is critical. Because of all these, I agree on allocating equal budget to extra activities. In the following paragraphs, I will explicate my reasons to support my position in details. First of all, the student will learn various skills through their social gathering. For instance, I remember when I was university student, the extracurricular programs such as social studies, literature and history and so on were offered for students and the students according to their interests and desires attended in this little social communities. We gathered in a class and discussed about different topics, in some cases the discussions spurred into discord and the atmosphere became really worse and tremulous. Then, during the discussion sessions we can learn that we should respect to each other' s opinion and have ability to rationally critic the ideas not biased and in discriminatory way. Also other important activity was holding different conferences. For holding the conferences, we needed to cooperate with each other, schedule and plan needed activities and works. We all must be responsible about our determined duty and should do the assigned activity as best as we can. Second, extra activities aside of studying makes this chance for students to have health body and mind. In the universities and colleges, some of scholars and professors suffer different diseases. Most of the problems could be sequences of eliminating the exercise from their early day life. Somehow I consider that sports should be obligatory for the students. I think if each student from their early year made to choose a sport field repeatedly according to his desire, the student practice would become as a habit for him. To sum up, I consider to what stated before that financial support for social activities and sports is as important as the classes and the library. As my mother always says to me the good life is not limited to the education, the person should be healthy and qualify to use this knowledge. For sure, an educated student who does not behave appropriate in society would not be successful person or high knowledgeable student who has mental or physical disorder never can enjoy his success as a usual health person.
From my point of view, universities and colleges could have effective role in growing and flourishing
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; talent.
Did you mean "this talent" or "These talents"?
These talent
could be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
fields
in addition
to the major that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
study.
Therefore
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is critical.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of all these, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on allocating equal budget to extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In the following paragraphs, I will explicate my reasons to support my position in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will learn various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gathering.
For instance
, I remember when I was university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, the extracurricular programs such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
studies, literature and history and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
were offered
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
according to their interests and desires attended in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
communities. We gathered in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and discussed about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
topics, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases the discussions spurred into discord and the atmosphere became
The extreme adjective for bad is "awful", "terrible", "evil" or "horrible".
really worse
and tremulous. Then, during the discussion sessions we can learn that we should respect to each
Possible spelling mistake found.
other&
#039; s opinion and have ability to
rationally
critic the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
not biased and in discriminatory way.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
was holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
conferences. For holding the conferences, we needed to cooperate with each other, schedule and plan needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and works. We all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be responsible about our determined duty and should do the assigned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as
Did you mean "good"?
best
as we can.

Second, extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
aside of studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
this chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have health body and mind. In the universities and colleges,
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the scholars") or simply say "some scholars".
some of scholars
and professors suffer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
diseases. Most of the problems could be sequences of eliminating the exercise from their early day life. Somehow I consider that sports should be obligatory for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
from their early year made to choose a sport field
repeatedly
according to his desire, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
practice would become as a habit for him.

To sum up, I consider to what stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and sports is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the classes and the library. As my mother always says to me the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life is not limited to the education, the person should be healthy and qualify to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this knowledge. For sure, an educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who does not behave appropriate in society would not be successful person or high knowledgeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who has mental or physical disorder never can enjoy his success as a usual health person.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v. 197

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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