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Do you agree or disagree? people benefit from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v.182

people benefit from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 182
It is a highly debated issue whether or not people benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries, and this topic can be approached from several angels due to its complexity. While some people tend to agree that traveling in our country will increase our knowledge about our country. Others seem to disagree with it. Deeply deliberating over the issue, I believe that people will benefit more from traveling to other countries, and following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning. First, traveling to foreign countries is exciting. In order to find more enjoyment, we should visit other places in other countries because traveling just in our country would be boring. Take myself as an example, ten years ago, I couldn' t travel to other country so I just traveled inside my country Iraq since I don' t have a lot of money to travel. In fact, I went to the south and the east of Iraq and everytime I see the same places and the same buildings there was nothing new so I was really bored and I didn' t benefit from traveling. However, three years ago, I went to visit Syria and I was marveled about the new places and their food, in addition, I met a lot of people there and I was excited for that. Actually, I spent a happy time there and it was a wonderful experience. When I returned to my work, I was so energetic and my co worker asked me what is the cause. Actually, I told him that I traveled outside of Iraq and I benefited from this traveling since I resumed my work with a lot of energy and joy. This experience taught me that traveling outside our country is joyful and we could benefit form this. Second, by traveling to a foreign country, we will get information about that country such as its culture, its customs, its history. Through this information, we could develop ourselves educationaly. For instance, my sister is studying teaching school, and three years ago, she took french class since it was one of the college requirements. In this class, they learned bout the french language and the France' s history. Also, they traveled to France to practice the language and to see the city there. My sister told me that they expanded their knowledge from this trip since it is really different to see the country that you learn about it. Frankly, she mentioned to me that she has learned how they communicate and many things about their history since she saw the old buildings there. As we can clearly see traveling to another country makes the education much easier. By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I firmly concur that people benefit more from traveling to foreign countries. We should take these advantages since they are worthwhile and specious.
It is a
highly
debated issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
more from traveling in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
than from traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and this topic can
be approached
from several angels due to its complexity.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that traveling in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will increase our knowledge about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Others seem to disagree with it.
Deeply
deliberating over the issue, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
more from traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.

First
, traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is exciting. In order to find more enjoyment, we should visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
traveling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would be boring. Take myself as an example, ten years ago, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
traveled inside my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Iraq since I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to travel. In fact, I went to the south and the east of Iraq and
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the same places and the same buildings there was nothing new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I was
really
bored and I
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
from traveling.
However
, three years ago, I went to visit
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Syria and
I
was marveled
about the new places and their food,
in addition
, I met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
there and
I
was excited
for that. Actually, I spent a happy time there and it was a wonderful experience. When I returned to my work, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
energetic and my
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
co worker
asked me what is the cause. Actually, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
him that I traveled outside of Iraq and I benefited from this traveling since I resumed my work with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
energy and joy. This experience taught me that traveling outside our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
joyful and
we could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
form this.

Second, by traveling to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
such as its culture, its customs, its history. Through this information, we could develop ourselves
Possible spelling mistake found.
educationaly
.
For instance
, my sister is studying teaching school, and three years ago, she took french
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
since it was one of the college requirements. In this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, they learned bout the
"French" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
french
language and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
France&
#039; s history.
Also
, they traveled to France to practice the language and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the city there. My sister
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that they expanded their knowledge from this trip since it is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that you learn about it.
Frankly
, she mentioned to me that she has learned how they communicate and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things about their history since she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
buildings there.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
traveling to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the education much easier.

By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I
firmly
concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
more from traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. We should take these advantages since they are worthwhile and specious.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay people benefit from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 182

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
484 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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