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do you agree or disagree? it is better to relax by reading a book or watching TV than doing exercise. v.152

it is better to relax by reading a book or watching TV than doing exercise. v. 152
The question is whether people should relax through watching TV or reading book and or doing exercises. Everyone in consideration to his private view point and interests can maintain a specific direction toward this statement. Some believe reading a new published book or watching an exciting program on TV is able to alleviate the pressures of their life while others have a conviction that doing physical activities such as different types of sports or games would be much effective. I am unanimous with the latter group, so the next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through two salient reasons: To begin with, nobody could overlook this fact that exercise plays a crucial role in our life. During recent years, a plentiful of researches has been done by scientists to discover the actual merits of doing sport. Tanks to these findings, now we know that exercise helps human beings in several ways such as loosing extra weight, improving the heart and brain' s performance and boosting body' s power and list goes on. To elucidate, take a person who prefers to swim after working. Not only receives peace this person from the blue color of water, but also his body can resist in cope with a variety of diseases. Meanwhile, one should not forget that doing physical activities like jumping, running and riding and so on, can increase secreted Endorphin in brain which it is responsible for happiness and better concentration. The second reason for my argument lies the reality that the main goal of relaxing is that people can refresh their body and mind; hence, sedentary activities such as reading or watching may give them the sensation of lethargy or numb feeling. For eliminating of anxiety or stress, living beings should go the gyms, pools and or even the parks to do simple activities. Through this approach, perhaps humans can gain the sense of relaxing through getting familiar with people who share the same interest with them and as a result the new friendships will be made. I remember, when I made a decision to join a soccer team, I could promote my personality because it was a great opportunity to release my negative thoughts by the helps of other members. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that I strongly disagree with this issue and I believe that doing sport activities will cause people to keep their body in a fitness mood, remove their stress and making new friends for themselves.
The question is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should relax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
watching TV or reading book and or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
exercises. Everyone in consideration to his private view point and interests can maintain a specific direction toward this statement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe reading a new published book or watching an exciting program on TV is able to alleviate the pressures of their life while others have a conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of sports or games would be much effective. I am unanimous with the latter group,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
two salient reasons:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nobody could overlook this fact that exercise plays a crucial role in our life. During recent years,
The phrase 'a plentiful of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a plentiful of
researches has
been done
by scientists to discover the actual merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
sport. Tanks to these findings,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we know that exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
human beings in several ways such as loosing extra weight, improving the heart and
Possible spelling mistake found.
brain&
#039; s performance and boosting
Possible spelling mistake found.
body&
#039; s power and list goes on. To elucidate, take a person who prefers to swim after working. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
receives peace this person from the blue color of water,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
can resist in cope with a variety of diseases. Meanwhile, one should not forget that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like jumping, running and riding and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, can increase secreted Endorphin in brain which it is responsible for happiness and better concentration.

The second reason for my argument lies the reality that the main goal of relaxing is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can refresh their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and mind;
hence
, sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as reading or watching may give them the sensation of lethargy or numb feeling. For eliminating of anxiety or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, living beings should go the gyms, pools and or even the parks to do simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Through
this approach, perhaps humans can gain the sense of relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
getting familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who share the same interest with them and
as a result
the new friendships will
be made
. I remember, when I made a decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a soccer team, I could promote my personality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was a great opportunity to release my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
of other members.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that I
strongly
disagree with this issue and I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
in a fitness mood, remove their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and making new friends for themselves.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay it is better to relax by reading a book or watching TV than doing exercise. v. 152

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
414 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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