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do you agree or disagree? it is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are young than old. v.151

it is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are young than old. v. 151
The question is whether it is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are young or not. Everyone in consideration to his private view point can maintain a specific view toward this issue; however with regard to its cons and pros, I am inclined to affirm that the advantages that traveling in young ages can bring us outweigh to old ages. My arguments and reasons are listed below which will strengthen my point of view: To begin with, it is axiomatic that the first and the most important goal of traveling is that people can look for new and useful experiences. Nobody could overlook this reality that the trip can add to us extra life' s lessons as becoming to an independent person, setting under pressure, observing and evaluating diverse cultures, food, monuments and wild areas and list goes on. As old saying goes it is vital to travel if you are willing to become from a crude person to rough person; hence valuable experiences can guide us in continuation of life. It is obvious that people need to gain worthwhile experiences when they are young. The second reason why I advocate this matter lies the fact the traveling improves interpersonal skills. For instance, making new friends is the most desirable wish of everyone; consequently one should notice to the approaches which can help people to access to this begged. On the other hand people require such the friendships in young ages to share the most exciting things with them. I am going to empower my arguments with following the discussion. There are a bit of different point here. Physically, when people enter to old epoch, the condition of their body does not allow them to enjoy miscellaneous things. Except a few percentage of older men, majority of old generation are always bored and growler; subsequently it is worth in traveling in springtime. By taking all above mentioned reasons, this conclusion could be drawn that traveling in young age provides has high weigh compared with older ages because it provides numerous profits as getting experiences which will help us in the future, creating new relationship and also exploiting from a fresh body.
The question is whether it is better to travel abroad to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries when you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
or not. Everyone in consideration to his private view point can maintain a specific view toward this issue;
however
with regard to its cons and pros, I
am inclined
to affirm that the advantages that traveling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
can bring us outweigh to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. My arguments and reasons
are listed
below which will strengthen my point of view:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is axiomatic that the
first
and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goal of traveling is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can look for new and useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. Nobody could overlook this reality that the trip can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to us extra
Possible spelling mistake found.
life&
#039; s lessons as becoming to an independent person, setting under pressure, observing and evaluating diverse cultures, food, monuments and wild areas and list goes on. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
saying goes it is vital to travel if you are willing to become from a crude person to rough person;
hence
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can guide us in continuation of life. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to gain worthwhile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
when they are young.

The second reason why I advocate this matter lies the fact the traveling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, making new friends is the most desirable wish of everyone;
consequently
one should notice to the approaches which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access to this begged.
On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require such the friendships in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
to share the most exciting things with them.

I am going to empower my arguments with following the discussion. There are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "bits"?
bit
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point here.
Physically
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enter to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
epoch, the condition of their body does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to enjoy miscellaneous things. Except a
Possible agreement error. The noun percentage seems to be countable; consider using: "few percentages".
few percentage
of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation are always bored and growler;
subsequently
it is worth in traveling in springtime.

By taking all above mentioned reasons, this conclusion could
be drawn
that traveling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
provides has high weigh compared with older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides numerous profits as getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us in the future, creating new relationship and
also
exploiting from a fresh body.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay it is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are young than old. v. 151

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
365 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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