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For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. How far do you agree with suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v.6

For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. How far do you agree with suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v. 6
These days, some people believe that the skill of playing a musical instrument should be acquired as essential as reading and writing by all children. Nonetheless, I feel that playing music is actually inferior activity in most children’s routine, and this essay will look into reasons. First of all, it seems that music is considered as superior for all children. Of course, most children are musically talented or immersed to this field, however, they are met seldom in everyday life. In our history were left unforgettable traces by leading musicians such as Beethoven or Mozart, who was magnificently pianist, but, the youth now hardly survives in this domain, though. Secondly, although music has several benefits for children’s education, it might narrow their future profession choice. For example, after graduation, pupils having wider knowledge from nature to exact subjects have variety of opportunities to continue their education compared with musicians. The last but not least, with respect to priorities of activities decided by parents, music is nowhere near as important as literacy which means it should have lower rank in children’s early education. In contrast, there is still exists children who are extraordinarily talented in music at school. The better option might be if they concentrate more on music than the others who are less interested in it. To sum up, it seems that literacy and music have different importance in children circumstances, and occasionally the former is selected as dominant one. The latter is the best choice for some children, however.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of playing a musical instrument should
be acquired
as essential as reading and writing by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Nonetheless, I feel that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is actually inferior activity in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
routine, and this essay will look into reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is considered
as superior for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Of course
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
musically
talented or immersed to this field,
however
, they
are met
seldom in everyday life. In our history were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unforgettable traces by leading musicians such as Beethoven or Mozart, who was
magnificently
pianist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
hardly survives in this domain, though.
Secondly
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has several benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
education, it might narrow their future profession choice.
For example
, after graduation, pupils having wider knowledge from nature to exact subjects have variety of opportunities to continue their education compared with musicians. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, with respect
Did you mean "to prioritize" (American English) or "to prioritise" (British English)?
to priorities
of activities decided by parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is nowhere near as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as literacy which means it should have lower rank in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
early education.

In contrast
, there is
still
exists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
extraordinarily
talented in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at school. The better option might be if they concentrate more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
than the others who are less interested in it.

To sum up, it seems that literacy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
circumstances, and
occasionally
the former
is selected
as dominant one. The latter is the best choice for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. How far do you agree with suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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