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do you agree or disagree? living beside our extended family is more important in the past than it is today? v.150

living beside our extended family is more important in the past than it is today? v. 150
Since the beginning of the last century, our society has become very mobile. Some people hold the view that living besides our relatives is not important, however there is a solid body of opinion that casts doubts on these beliefs. From a personal perspective, I believe that living nearby our extended family is important nowadays than ever before given that our family can provide us with support, sense of security, and traditions. Below I will strive my supporting points in more details. Firstly, the cost of living has become very high which makes both parents work to earn more money to support their family. Provided that they live besides their relatives, they can provide them with help and support. The noteworthy refreshing intelligible statistics, revealed by a recent survey conducted by Oxford university found that, people who live beside their extended family are happier and more productive than those who live away from their relatives. Not only because family can provide support and encouragement, but also assist with childcare giving parents much-needed break. Consequently, living beside family is a blessing. Next, coupled with supportive, sense of security is another reason for the importance of extended family. Provided that there is any sort of emergency, our nearby relatives can help. A vivid example can be given to shed a light on what was elaborated is the whole family in Egypt live in the same house with a layout gives each member of the family the privacy which build strong bonds throughout all generations. In addition to that, our family always loves us whatever who or what we achieved. Therefore, our family can give us the sense of real love. Although the previous reasons are the first ones which cross the mind at a glance, they are not the only one available. In fact, there is another subtle point must be born in mind. Extended family is very important to pass on values and tradition throughout all generations. Taking everything into a considerations, without a doubt extended family is very important today then it was in the past underestimating these benefits is not logical. It is suggested that people compromise to ensure that they achieve work/family life balance, placing more importance on family relationships.
Since the beginning of the last century, our society has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
mobile.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
besides
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
however
there is a solid body of opinion that casts doubts on these beliefs. From a personal perspective, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
nearby our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
Use "(nowadays)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
nowadays
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can provide us with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, sense of security, and traditions. Below I will strive my supporting points in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Firstly
, the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
both parents work to earn more money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Provided that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
besides
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
, they can provide them with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
. The noteworthy refreshing intelligible statistics, revealed by a recent survey conducted by Oxford university found that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
beside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are happier and more productive than those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and encouragement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
assist with childcare giving parents much-needed break.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a blessing.

Next
, coupled with supportive, sense of security is another reason for the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Provided that there is any sort of emergency, our nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed a light on what
was elaborated
is the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in Egypt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with a layout gives each member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
the privacy which build strong bonds throughout all generations.
In addition
to that, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
us whatever who or what we achieved.
Therefore
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can give us the sense of real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

Although the previous reasons are the
first
ones which cross the mind at a glance, they are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one available. In fact, there is another subtle point
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be born
in mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to pass on values and tradition throughout all generations.

Taking everything into
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a consideration" or simply "considerations"?
a considerations
, without a doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
then it was in the past underestimating these benefits is not logical. It
is suggested
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
compromise to ensure that they achieve work/family life balance, placing more importance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay living beside our extended family is more important in the past than it is today? v. 150

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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