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Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. v.146

Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. v. 146
The question is whether parents should prevent from playing computer games by their children or not. Everyone in consideration to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this issue; however, I am inclined to refute it because total disagreement with computer games can create destructive consequences. I feel this was for some reasons, which I will explore them in following essay to strengthen my point of view: To begin with, one should not forget that when a person is forbidden from something, he will be greedier about it even more than before. Psychologists believe that people who inhibit their kids from harmful points like chocolate, junk-food, TV and computer games and list goes on, will cause children to become little liars. One should notice, nevertheless, they will find a way for access to their favorite entertainment; hence, families should talk them directly and explain merits and drawbacks of such programs or foods. Having an appropriate schedule can assist the young to manage their time between study and amusement; consequently, the problem of wasting time will be solved spontaneously. In short, banning can only get worse this plight. The second reason for my argument lies in the fact that despite all disadvantages of such the games, designers of computer games take some advantages into account in this way. For instance, games are designed to challenge the imagination feeling of children. Nobody could overlook this reality that a child with high level of imagination will be able to provide some creative ideas during school. As a matter a fact, such the exciting games can enable children’s brain and even more rescue their mind from lethargy or numb feeling. It can be said that an active mind would help children to improve their performance not only in daily life, but also in school life. As I have illustrated, I strongly disprove this statement because it is the parents' task to instruct their children the best approaches cope with adverse things. Blocking can be most straightforward solution; however, it can impinge on children' s personality. Providing a logical program including playing games, enjoying chocolate and study will be most effective way.
The question is whether parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or not. Everyone in consideration to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this issue;
however
, I
am inclined
to refute it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
total disagreement with computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can create destructive consequences. I feel this was for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, which I will explore them in following essay to strengthen my point of view:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one should not forget that when a person
is forbidden
from something, he will be greedier about it even more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Psychologists believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who inhibit their kids from harmful points like chocolate, junk-food, TV and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and list goes on, will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
liars. One should notice,
nevertheless
, they will find a way for access to their favorite entertainment;
hence
, families should talk them
directly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
merits and drawbacks of such programs or foods. Having an appropriate schedule can assist the young to manage their time between study and amusement;
consequently
, the problem of wasting time will
be solved
spontaneously
. In short, banning can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse this plight.

The second reason for my argument lies in the fact that despite all disadvantages of such the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, designers of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages into account in this way.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are designed
to challenge the imagination feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Nobody could overlook this reality that a child with high level of imagination will be able to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
during school. As a matter a fact, such the exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
brain and even more rescue their mind from lethargy or numb feeling. It can
be said
that an active mind would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in daily life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in school life.

As I have illustrated, I
strongly
disprove this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; task to instruct their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the best approaches cope with adverse things. Blocking can be most straightforward solution;
however
, it can impinge on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s personality. Providing a logical program including playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, enjoying chocolate and study will be
Did you mean "the most"?
most
effective way.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. v. 146

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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