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do you agree or disagree? famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy that they have now. v.124

famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy that they have now. v. 124
The question is whether famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy that they have now or not. Everyone with regard to his private vantage point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement; however I am inclined to refute it. In my perspective, the fame requires much attention and it is the nature of these types of jobs. My arguments and reasons are listed below which will strengthen my point of view: To begin with, it is axiomatic that every man has a great passion toward being famous. In fact the dream of fame is not separate from human' s soul. One should notice that every actor or athlete has selected this way for gaining attention in spite of having his talent. It is a psychology issue into people who are willing to set on the first paper of magazines or are seen in media and so on; consequently spontaneously it has been a personal choice. These people have prefer to have a public life instead of privacy life. The second reason why I do not accept this suggestion lies in the fact that athletes or actors and other famous men are a prosperous cortex; subsequently the condition of their life and their personal experiences can help ordinary people to alter the circumstance of their life. It goes without saying that successful artists, scientists and entertainers play in a crucial role in society. Nobody could overlook this reality that they motivate people to try for accessing to an ideal goal. Moreover, having more privacy life for these types of guilds can harm to Media. People are always curious about life of famous persons whether in sophisticated community or the third world. When these private issues are cut off from media, people will not be eager for reading or watching them; as a result negative effects will be dominated in media ground. As I have illustrated, I strongly disagree with this opinion and believe that having a deep understanding from famous people' s life can assist typical people in making appropriate decisions.
The question is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
or not. Everyone with regard to his private vantage point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement;
however
I
am inclined
to refute it. In my perspective, the fame requires much attention and it is the nature of these types of jobs. My arguments and reasons
are listed
below which will strengthen my point of view:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is axiomatic that every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has a great passion toward being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. In fact the dream of fame is not separate from
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s soul. One should notice that every actor or athlete has selected this way for gaining attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
having his talent. It is a psychology issue into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are willing to set on the
first
paper of magazines or are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on;
consequently
spontaneously
it has been a personal choice. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Use past participle here: "preferred".
prefer
to have a public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
instead
of privacy life.

The second reason why I do not accept this suggestion lies in the fact that athletes or actors and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are a prosperous cortex;
subsequently
the condition of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and their personal experiences can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to alter the circumstance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It goes without saying that successful artists, scientists and entertainers play in a crucial role in society. Nobody could overlook this reality that they motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to try for accessing to an ideal goal.

Moreover
, having more privacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for these types of guilds can harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are always curious about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
persons whether in sophisticated community or the third world. When these private issues are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be eager for reading or watching them;
as a result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects will
be dominated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
ground.

As I have illustrated, I
strongly
disagree with this opinion and believe that having a deep understanding from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can assist typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in making appropriate decisions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy that they have now. v. 124

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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