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Do you agree or disagree? In the modern world, we should be never be impolite to another person. v.108

In the modern world, we should be never be impolite to another person. v. 108
Nowadays, with changes which have occurred in the world, most of people have boosted their self-esteem because technologies such as internet, self-phones and tablets assist them to gain much information; hence, they have a conviction that no one has right to disprove their opinion and otherwise these selfish humans prefer to show an impolite behavior. I strongly refute the mentioned disgusting behavior and it should be better for everyone if he acts politely in front of others. The next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through two salient reasons: To begin with, one should not forget that being polite is not related to past, present or future time, but it would account as a personality evaluation. Nobody could overlook this fact that wealth, clothes, beauty or high statues cannot guarantee the success of a person; however, having logical behavior, being kind and tendering pleasant moral can appeal other people. Take my own experience. 2 years ago when I had gone for an interview in an international company, one man was full of stress and he shown a bad behavior with me; however, I tried to be cool and later I understood that it was a scenario for testing applicants' behavior under any condition. The second reason for my arguments lies the reality that sometime presenting a tranquil behavior can be punished a person who has acted impolitely and surprisingly, there may be formed new friendships. Furthermore, human beings can reinforce their patience through this way. For instance, in my office, one day I talked with my colleague in very bad mood- because I was mad from my boyfriend- but she attempted to make me calm. After one hour, I was regretful but she tried to pretend that all things were ordinary. That event could give me a valuable lesson to practice the patience skill and finally we became the best friends. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn I strongly agree that one of the important factors in achieving prosperity is that people should be able to behave politely in any circumstance because it can make their personality appealing and other people prefer to rely on them.
Nowadays, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which have occurred in the world, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have boosted their self-esteem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
technologies such as internet, self-phones and tablets assist them to gain much information;
hence
, they have a conviction that no one has right to disprove their opinion and
otherwise
these selfish humans prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an impolite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. I
strongly
refute the mentioned disgusting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
and it should be better for everyone if he acts
politely
in front of others. The
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point through two salient reasons:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one should not forget that being polite is not related to past, present or future time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would account as a personality evaluation. Nobody could overlook this fact that wealth, clothes, beauty or high statues cannot guarantee the success of a person;
however
, having logical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
, being kind and tendering pleasant moral can appeal other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Take my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience. 2 years ago when I had gone for an interview in an international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
was full of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stress and
he shown a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
with me;
however
, I tried to be cool and later I understood that it was a scenario for testing
Possible spelling mistake found.
applicants&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
under any condition.

The second reason for my arguments lies the reality that sometime presenting a tranquil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
can
be punished
a person who has acted
impolitely
and
surprisingly
, there may
be formed
new friendships.
Furthermore
, human beings can reinforce their patience through this way.
For instance
, in my office, one day I talked with my colleague in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mood-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I was mad from my boyfriend-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she attempted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me calm. After one hour, I was regretful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she tried to pretend that all things were ordinary. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
could give me a valuable lesson to practice the patience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
finally
we became the best friends.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in achieving prosperity is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be able to behave
politely
in any circumstance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their personality appealing and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to rely on them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, we should be never be impolite to another person. v. 108

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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